Psychological introduction: Satya, the famous American “family therapist”, believes that a person is inextricably linked to his or her family of origin, and this link may affect his or her whole life. The family of origin is the family in which one was born and raised, while the new family is the family established after entering married life. The influence of our family of origin is like a genetic code that is engraved into our personality and behavior patterns. In “Don’t Talk to Strangers”, An Jiahe is both hateful and pathetic, with a successful career but a dark heart. Many psychologists have analyzed An Jiahe’s personality: the reason why he went psychopathic was because his parents died at an early age, a huge blow that made him insecure and distrustful of society since childhood. This is the influence of his family of origin. The famous American “family therapist” Satya believes that a person and his family of origin have inextricable ties, and this connection may affect his life. The family of origin is the family in which one was born and raised, while the new family is the family established after entering married life. The influence of our family of origin on us is like a genetic code, engraved into our personality and behavior patterns. Not long ago, a marriage counseling center in ningbo made a survey: in 150 cases of marriage on the verge of collapse, 78 cases by the influence of the family of origin, accounting for 52%, in these 78 cases, after 80 marriage accounted for more than 70%. In this survey, about 40% of the counselors affected by the family of origin came from single-parent families, while more than 50% came from families where the parents quarreled and drank a lot, had affairs, domestic violence, etc. The survey also found a new situation, even if the family of origin is very healthy, but still have a negative impact on the newborn family, so that the young couple’s marriage lights up the red light. 1, excessive care Case 27-year-old Xiaolin just married for two years, now want to divorce, but with a 3-month-old baby in her belly, so that she feels a confusion about the future. Xiao Lin wants to divorce for the reason that her husband does not care about household chores. She can not think of such a hands-off husband in the future can take up the burden of family. Her husband, Xiao Zhou, is 28 years old and a civil servant. Not smoking, not gambling, empty time will be with friends bubble bar, or at home to play computer, watch TV. If Xiaolin had not suddenly proposed to break up, he never felt he had anything wrong. Zhou’s mother has always lived with the young couple, helping the two children with housework and cooking. When Xiaolin was pregnant and couldn’t do heavy work, her husband kept her mother busy in and out while he sat in front of the computer playing games. Xiao Lin sometimes blames Zhou when she sees her mother-in-law sweating profusely. Zhou’s mother immediately pulled Xiaolin away: “Let him play, men just need to earn money to support the family, I will do the housework.” Analysis Ningbo a mental health counseling center director Zhou Minming found that in recent years in the marriage problem consultation, the post-80s marriage is a common problem is not timely role transition, role-playing is not in place, the lack of responsibility. The deep-seated reasons are inseparable from their families of origin. ”Children are like mirrors for their parents, and the character and concepts shown by their parents when raising their children will be copied by them one by one, which will probably affect their whole life.” Minmin Zhou said. A mature person is supported by the ability to control oneself and to support oneself, these two points are like the skew and the down of the structure of the character “human”, without which the character “human” cannot stand up. And in the consultation of the post-80s, one-third of the people have not yet “stand” up. Xiao Zhou is the lack of self-reliance because of his mother’s indulgence. 2, the relationship between people have a close case 25-year-old Yang is a bank employee, from childhood to listen to their parents, in her words, the family atmosphere is very “democratic”, Mom and Dad to go somewhere, will tell the truth to Yang, and Yang to do anything, will also be discussed with their parents. But her husband Jiang’s personality is the opposite of Yang’s. Jiang is her college classmate, her parents are businessmen, usually do not have time to control their son, the son was sent to boarding school in elementary school to study, which makes Jiang developed a self-made personality in everything. Even filling out the college entrance exam, he did not discuss with his parents. When he fell in love in college, Yang was busy with his own homework and appreciated Jiang’s independent personality, but after he got married, Yang came home from work and often inexplicably could not find Jiang. For this reason, Yang and Jiang quarreled several times, Jiang said: “free for more than 20 years, she suddenly requires me to report everything to her, I really can not stand, and there is no need for this, I do not even report their parents, why should I report to my wife?” Analysis of the two confusion, Ningbo Qidian Counseling Center director Gao Mingxia in the marriage emotional intelligence training class, using a sitcom way to do a demonstration. When the two children fell in love, the parents of the short rope immediately noticed that their children were being led away, while the parents of the long rope did not even know that their children were in love. Gao Mingxia said. Both sides of the family of origin have no obvious problems, but the two combined still produce conflicts. Both children are typical representatives of the post-80s, one comes from a tight-knit family of origin, i.e., a family with a short rope. The other one comes from a long-string family, and his parents may have been away on business for many years, making him develop the habit of making his own decisions since childhood. When two such young people meet, although they both think they are right, they create conflicts that they cannot tolerate each other. Advice Experts say that before you get married you should make an assessment of the impact of your parents’ marriage on you, analyze what is likely to affect you in the wrong way, and measure what inappropriate behavior patterns may affect your current marriage after you enter it to avoid repeating the same mistakes. Build on your strengths and avoid your weaknesses, and continue to improve your personality. After re-establishing your own family, you should try to detach yourself from the influence of your family of origin. Take the initiative to tell each other the background of your family of origin and expect each other to give yourself time to correct it. Even after each argument, make a small conclusion afterwards, which will help improve the communication between the couple.