Many psychological studies have long proven that early life experiences, especially the family of origin, play a crucial role in an individual’s personality and can have a long-term, far-reaching impact on an individual’s life, even determining his or her lifelong happiness. Family of origin plays a major role in early life experiences. The family of origin refers to the family in which an individual is born and raised, usually consisting of parents, siblings and other family members, and usually the parents (especially the parental relationship) have the greatest and longest-lasting influence on the individual. Below I will give 2 examples to illustrate specifically how the family of origin has an impact on an individual. Example 1 My father was a businessman, hardworking, frugal, kind, tolerant, and gave way to my mother in everything. My father often said that my mother had given himself great credit for giving birth to three sons. The mother was ten years younger than the father, and she was tidy, careful, and competent. Their son often remembers the good things others have done for him, gets along well with those around him, treats his family with respect, and is especially considerate of his wife. He is patient with his children, does not lose his temper or scold them, and is willing to do everything quietly by himself rather than assigning others to do it, and has good interpersonal relationships. Example 2 The father was a military doctor in the old army and the mother was a housewife. The father was a macho man who often reprimanded and even scolded his wife and children, and everyone was afraid of him. Their eldest daughter also often reprimanded and scolded her younger siblings at home, and as an adult she often lost her temper with her children, often ordering them to do things; things in the house had to be done according to her wishes, and when she heard objections, she became furious and deliberately established her authority in the house. She does not respect others, is arbitrary, and has a strained relationship with her family. From the above examples, it is easy to see that the children have been significantly influenced by their parents and have left a deep imprint on them. Because people do not have the ability to live independently before they reach adulthood, they must rely on others, and their cognitive development is not perfect. In the instinct of survival, they will take the initiative to adapt to their surroundings and become familiar with and imitate their parents’ life and cognitive patterns. Without deeper exploration, most people are not yet aware of the good and bad influences of their family of origin on them. The relationship between parents in a family can have a huge impact on an individual. A recent study also proves this point, according to the results of a research study: the negative impact of frequent parental quarrels on children is greater than the impact of parental divorce on children, with a ratio of 33% and 31% respectively. The reason is that parents are the closest people to their children, and children who witness their parents arguing for a long time, and parents who are hostile to each other and belittle each other, will make their children feel insecure, distrustful, suspicious, confused and other negative emotions, which will likely cause interpersonal disorders in children later, making it difficult to establish trusting relationships with others and affecting their lifelong happiness. Parents should keep in mind that they should not bring the problems in their families of origin to their current families, otherwise it will affect their children’s lifelong happiness. So what kind of family of origin will bring good influence to our children? In my opinion, the family of origin should be based on: i. Respect and trust. The relationship between family members (especially between husband and wife and with children) is one of mutual respect and trust. The family is not a relationship of control and control, everyone has a say, everyone respects and agrees that everyone has the right to choose their own way of life, no one has the right to decide what others should do, everyone should trust each other, ask questions in person, do not suspect each other. There is no intentional establishment of someone’s authority in the family, and each family member has dignity and will consciously maintain the self-respect of others. Second, be responsible for your own actions. There are two meanings: First, individuals should be responsible for what they do, do not shirk or evade responsibility, and dare to take responsibility for themselves. The second is not to take responsibility for what others do, especially for spouses and children. Doing so may seem impersonal on the surface, but it is actually beneficial to cultivate their sense of responsibility and will promote the independent growth and self-improvement of spouses and children. Third, a tolerant mind. Tolerance is a virtue. Things in the world from different perspectives will get different ideas, let alone in the family, the home is more love and less reasoning, so if it is not a matter of principle, the issue of right and wrong (these issues are not too much), it is not necessary to earn which is right or wrong. I heard that some couples are having a lot of fun squeezing toothpaste from the top or from the bottom. It’s funny to hear that, but have you ever thought about how many couples quarrel not because of these trivial things? The many little things that have developed over time have become a dead end in the tension between husband and wife, seriously affecting the quality of the marriage. Fourth, on things regardless of people. Even if you are more tolerant will also have conflicts with others, unless you are clay people can just pinch. How to do? There are two principles, one is not afraid, not to escape, brave face; two is to discuss the matter. For example, and family members in a matter of opinion, then well we are here, here to solve, do not bring personal emotions and stereotypes, do not always think about what he (she) had made mistakes, and now how to how ……, because that will only be intensified conflict, so that the conflict intensified, not conducive to solving the problem. I think we should be open-minded about people and things around us, so that we will not be rigid about other people’s views, in order to do things regardless of people. Fifth, sincere appreciation of others. Everyone’s heart is eager to be appreciated, accepted, good at praise, praise others, is a popular people. Especially from the heart of the appreciation, while bringing joy to others, but also to bring their own harmonious interpersonal atmosphere. Sixth, good at expressing themselves. Learn to clearly and explicitly express their needs, do not let others to guess, guess what you mean. Only when you clearly state your position, others are likely to understand you and support you. In the family, focus on developing everyone’s language skills, which not only facilitates interpersonal communication in the family, but also helps develop the family’s social interaction skills. Seven, the true self. This includes two aspects, one is to have self-awareness and understand your strengths and weaknesses. The second is to accept the real, realistic me from within. The person who accepts his or her self is the one who is confident. Do not change yourself to suit others, because the result of that will be to suppress your own nature, and you will feel lost in the long run, which will inevitably affect your mental health. By the way, do not deliberately change others, that is laborious and unproductive, all we can do is to use their own behavior to influence others. Eight, each family member to establish the concept of self-improvement. There is no perfect parent, and there is no perfect child. All we can do is to improve ourselves as much as possible and constantly, to enrich ourselves, to make ourselves mature and grow. I believe that each of us should pay attention to the influence of our family of origin on us, and it is worth investing some time and energy to seriously think about what influence our family of origin has brought to us, especially how to prevent our children from continuing to be eroded by bad influences. The influence of our family of origin is not only related to our personal quality of life, but also will largely affect our children’s happiness in life. If our family of origin has brought us pain, then please create a happy and healthy family of origin for our future – our children.