The 22-year-old Fang has been in a poor mood for seven or eight years, nothing happy, feels tired and meaningless in life, his memory declines, his thinking becomes sluggish, and has an inferiority complex that he is stupid. He grew up hating his parents, believing that they did not love him, only scolding and indifference. He had no friends and rarely interacted with people, and often kept himself at home. He found it meaningless to go to work and get married, and said he would not get married in the future. Dr. Zhou used Xiao Fang’s case study to advise people how to get out of the “bad state of mind”.
1, inferiority complex – feeling that their memory is decreasing, thinking is becoming slow, low self-esteem, think they are stupid, much worse than others
Patient self-report: I remember my mother used to call me stupid in public since I was a child. My family used to tease me for being dumb and looking dumb. Later, when I found out that I was indeed dumb, I began to doubt the value of my existence and started to sulk. In my first year of junior high school, my memory began to fail, especially when recalling past events, and I could only learn one or two movements in gymnastics, and I could not concentrate, which seriously affected my studies. My self-esteem was also very strong, and I was afraid that others would laugh at me and say I was stupid. Therefore, I was under great psychological pressure and was often late for school on purpose.
Psychoanalysis: Our underlying beliefs about ourselves (e.g., low self-esteem or confident personality traits) are developed during childhood (mainly between the ages of 6 and 12). During childhood, an individual’s perception of self mainly comes from external evaluations such as parents and teachers, and is internalized into the self, so negative evaluations from people around him or her tend to form an inferiority complex personality. Therefore, Fang’s low self-esteem complex is obviously related to his childhood experience.
As an adult, Fang fundamentally negatively evaluates his own abilities and the value of his existence because he has formed an inferiority complex in his childhood, especially when he encounters stressful events that reproduce his childhood experiences (e.g., academic failures, job setbacks, etc.), the potential inferiority complex is activated, and he then turns to self-esteem to overcome his inferiority complex. In general, the more inferior the person’s self-esteem is stronger.
2. Anger – one’s own words and actions are sometimes quite desperate, almost always trying to kill the other party
Patient self-report: “Once I had a fight with my father during the day, and suddenly remembered this infuriating thing when I slept in the middle of the night, there was a sudden buzzing sensation in my head and my brain was in chaos, which made it hard for me to try to turn this feeling into a dream, and I have been having dreams every night since. At first the dreams were close to the truth, and then they became more and more detached from reality. Often I fight with people in my dreams, and I win every time. Once I dreamt that I was beating someone, a neighbor who had bullied my brother and who did not take my family, especially my father, into consideration. In the dream I took an iron bar and hit the other person desperately on the head, and the other person did not fight back, as if he was willing to be punished.”
Psychoanalysis: Unconscious conflicts and hostile emotions formed in early childhood played a key role in the formation of depression. In childhood, Xiao Fang’s personal expectations and demands could not be met by his parents, which, together with being ignored and scolded by them, caused him to develop angry emotions. As an adult, in similar situations, he unconsciously awakens childhood hostility and projects his anger onto others, so he loses his temper from time to time and tries to kill the other person every time.
Dreams are the illusory fulfillment of unfulfilled wishes, and from the repetitive dreams of the younger party, his repressed anger can be analyzed. Generally speaking, rational criticism is weakened during the dream state, and at this time the repressed wishes are more likely to avoid conscious examination (fooling oneself) and be satisfied through the disguise of dreams.
3. Fear – when one is alone, one is always worried that someone will attack from behind, so one often looks back while walking.
Patient’s self-report: “Recently, I have always been easily frightened. A horn sound or even a knock on the door will scare myself.”
Psychological analysis: Xiao Fang is filled with anger and hatred, but based on his conscience and morality, he is unlikely to let go of his anger towards his parents. Likewise, his “ego” could only repress his hatred for the neighbors and others because he did not have strong enough power to confront them. However, when the power of repression is not strong enough, the power of anger and hatred will be reactivated, and the ego will then become fearful and project that fear outward, creating worry and fear.
4, depression – nothing happy, interest significantly diminished, feeling tired and meaningless life
Patient self-report: “In childhood, my uncle bullied my family, chased my parents, and wanted to kill my uncle at that time.”
Psychological analysis: Love-hate conflict and conflicting emotions can easily lead to depression, while the root cause of depression is anger. The destructive impulses inherent in human nature (e.g. anger) are always strenuously sought to be vented. If this impulse is carried out to the outside world (e.g., Xiao Fang’s anger towards his parents), it may lead to conscience condemnation and guilt. Because children have an innate, inborn love for their parents, just as fatherly and maternal love, this is the result of natural selection. On the one hand, Fang was angry with his parents (including his uncle and neighbors), but when “he tried to kill his uncle when he chased his parents”, it can be seen that he actually loved his parents. Therefore, this impulse of anger could not be directed at his parents, but could only be directed inward at Fang himself, i.e., his own anger, self-blame and self-hatred, as well as self-punishment and atonement. This is the root of depression and negative perceptions.
5. Isolation – rented a room by himself, had no friends, and rarely interacted with people in general
Patient’s self-report: “When I was a child, I loved to play with children and had a lot of fun talking and laughing. Later, my family did not let me go out to play because of a conflict with the neighbors, and I seldom interacted with others since then. Although I met some new friends later, but because of my irritability, I was always in conflict with others, so I stopped going out in junior high school and kept myself at home alone, moping and spending my days like years. It’s not that I didn’t want to play with people, but I didn’t know who to play with. After graduating from junior high school, I joined the workforce, and I was very lonely inside, shutting myself in the house all day, and when I was bored, I rode my bike to the market and back. In the last year, I always have a feeling that I am worried that one day I will forget where my home is.”
Psychoanalysis: Attachment theory suggests that the relationship with parents in childhood will determine the degree of intimacy with people when a person grows up. Children whose parents overindulged them during childhood grow up to be more emotionally dependent; children whose parents are neglectful and indifferent grow up to be relatively inclined to keep a certain distance from people. Xiao Fang’s childhood memories were mostly of his parents’ indifference and scolding, so he had few friends when he grew up, and his parents’ restrictions on his interactions with peers also impaired the cultivation and development of Xiao Fang’s ability to interact with others. However, the more what an individual lacks psychologically, the more he needs to be compensated, so it is easy to understand that Xiao Fang actually needs intimacy inside, so he often feels unusually lonely because of it.
6. Fear of Marriage – Thinking it is meaningless to go to work and get married
Patient’s self-report: “My father is not doing his job, and my parents often fight. I hate my father a lot. Sometimes I cry, or I get lost, and my mother doesn’t care about me. My father punched and kicked me when I was a child.”
Psychoanalysis: The first marriage that everyone sees is the marriage of their own parents. Xiao Fang grew up seeing parents in marriages that often quarreled, and the children in such marriages were unhappy: the mother was emotionally indifferent, and the father punched and kicked. These made Fang unconsciously believe that all parties in the marriage were full of pain and misery. As he grows older, the unconscious experiences of his childhood are not completely forgotten, and when he is confronted with marriage, those feelings of pain and misery may be reactivated, leading to fear of marriage and thus avoidance behavior.
7. Daydreaming – I want to indulge in literature in the future, although I only have a junior high school education, but I just like it
Patient self-report: “I have a bad habit: I love fantasy. All day long, I think about those unrealistic things, things that can bring honor to myself, such as being the focus of others’ attention on certain occasions.”
Psychological analysis: daydreaming is also a kind of wish fulfillment, that is, in real life can not get success, through fantasy to meet. Xiao Fang has a strong sense of inferiority inside and desires to overcome it through success. But he cannot do it in real life, so he seeks satisfaction through daydreams such as painting, literature and fantasy. At the same time, by living in a fantasy world to avoid the reality of the unrealizable wishes, which in turn reinforces Fang’s daydreams.
Tips from experts
How to get out of the psychological dilemma
Through the above deep psychological analysis, we can find that Xiao Fang’s conflicting feelings of love and hate for his parents are the root cause of his inner conflict and depression. A person’s love for his parents is natural and unchangeable. Therefore, how to resolve Xiao Fang’s inner anger and hatred towards his parents and other people is the most important part of his psychological treatment.
First, dissolve the inner anger and hatred. The psychotherapist can make Xiao Fang vent his anger through some therapeutic means, and when his anger is finished, he will have new feelings towards his parents and then understand them. Because inner conflict weakens one’s power, by helping Xiao Fang to negotiate between himself and his parents internally, he can make his mind harmonious and more powerful.
Second, release negative emotions. Repressed anger and pain can lead to psychological symptoms, so the key to releasing symptoms lies in enabling Xiao Fang to release the negative emotions he has repressed for years. Through the help of a psychotherapist, Xiao Fang will be able to recall painful memories and talk about them, so that the truth of the past will be revealed step by step, one by one, and the emotions will be released in this massive catharsis, and the symptoms will disappear.
Third, get out of the daydream. Xiao Fang is avoiding painful memories from the past, so the therapist needs to help Xiao Fang get out of the daydreams. In the process of therapy, the early traumatic factors will enter the therapeutic situation and some of the failed environmental factors will be reproduced, but at this time, the accommodating environment will replace the failed environment, and Fang will get real satisfaction and complete restoration, and make fundamental changes, so that he can return to the real world from his “fixation” with the past and get out of the The mind’s dilemma.