In today’s outpatient clinic, we received a mother who had some anxiety and depression a few years ago, which got better after taking antidepressant medication, but recently her 15-year-old son, who is in puberty, has been “particularly rowdy”, causing her mood to fluctuate again. The mother describes that “now she and her son will quarrel within ten words of each other. With my experience of adolescent psychological problems, I asked the mother, “You were too strict with your child before, weren’t you?” . Upon hearing this, the mother was first stunned, then nodded her head in acknowledgement. Her family model is relatively common in China: one-child family, parents have high expectations of their children, children in the child’s time to enroll in a lot of study classes, strict supervision of the child’s learning, the child is also obedient, good academic performance, went to a key middle school, I did not expect to come to high school, the child has become disobedient, not interested in learning. Parents tried to use more “high-pressure” policy, but it no longer works, the son said, “I used to be too obedient, I do not want to do that again. Both sides were exhausted from the back-and-forth confrontation. The parents also wondered whether they should let go of their child, but they were worried that if they didn’t care about their child’s grades, his grades would fall, and if he failed in the college entrance exams, all the hard work he had done over the years would be wasted. So the whole family is in this kind of contradictory pain. Analysis of the family: parents ignore the child’s individuality and independence, take for granted that “how much the parents put in the child, how much the child can receive”, and adopt an overly controlling approach. The only reason why the family is safe is that from the parents’ point of view, it is over-control, and from the child’s point of view, it is over-suppression. The child may occasionally express resistance, only to be suppressed by the parent in a more forceful way. In this struggle, the child works hard, and in fact, the parent is tired, and the mother’s anxiety and depression a few years ago was related to her child’s promotion. On the outside, there are controlling parents, obedient and well-behaved children, such a family will make many people envious, however, behind this appearance, there is a “devil high foot, Dao high ten feet,” which continues to grow the power of competition. To adolescence, with the child’s physiological and psychological growth, the parents to identify, the previous repression is like boiling water out, if the parents at this time also use more high-pressure methods, trying to continue to maintain the “parental authority”, there may be two situations: 1) the child is more rebellious, parental high-pressure so that the child’s previous repressed emotions The conflict between the two sides will be more intense, and the family function will be completely “out of compensation”; 2) Some children may be defeated again and submit to the parents’ opinions, and the outbreak of such repressed emotions may be delayed until the children’s later age, such as after college. Then the outburst of repressed emotions may be delayed until the children are at a later age, e.g., after they go to college or even after they start working. The family in this article is in the first situation, while others may be in the latter. However, just because a problem arises late does not necessarily mean that it can be solved. I can understand the mother’s reluctance to let go of her child, after all, she has put a lot of effort and expectation into “molding” her child over the years. However, there is no other way out. If you want to get out of the current state of entanglement, you have to recognize and face your own mistakes, accept the frustration, and remove the “other-control” that you have put on your child. The children of such families do not really want to be bad, they just want to fight for their own rights. If they are understood and respected by their parents, the children will gradually develop “self-control” and work hard towards their own ideal goals, and in the end, they will reach a state in which the parents are relaxed and the children are happy, that is, the so-called “smooth passage through puberty”. The so-called “smooth passing of adolescence”. However, how many parents are able to recognize their own mistakes, and how many parents are able to correct their mistakes?