Have you ever heard or said something like, “How many times have I told you, why does it always happen?
Or maybe you have this feeling: “I know it’s not good to sleep late, and I’ve tried many ways to go to bed earlier, but at night, I just can’t go to sleep?”
Or: “I really want to slim down, but I just can’t stick to it, what should I do?”
Is it really that hard to change?
To answer this question, first, we need to look at the structure of our brain.
According to research in brain neuroscience, our brain is divided into three levels.
First, the reptilian brain, the limbic system and the neocortex
If we compare the human brain to a company, then the “reptilian brain” is the first one to start a business, which existed when our ancestors were still in the ocean. It is responsible for the most basic instincts and desires (e.g., eating, sleeping, sex, etc.), and is dull, impulsive, lacking in foresight and eager for immediate gratification. You may think it is primitive and brutal, but because it is the first to “start a business”, it is the “boss” and in charge of most of one’s decisions!
”Business” to a certain stage, it is necessary to find a helper. So, humans have slowly evolved our “limbic system”. It controls one’s emotions, feelings and long-term memory, and it determines what you “like” and “don’t like”. It is emotional and risk-averse. It’s like the “boss lady”!
The neocortex is the last to evolve, it is like a “professional manager” hired by a company to control all the “higher” functions such as thinking, language, imagination, etc.
According to the order of evolution, the “boss” first started the business, then found the “boss’s wife”, and finally hired the “professional manager”. But in terms of decision-making power, the order is just the opposite.
Knowing these three levels of the brain, we can understand why every time you want to change did not succeed, it is because although the “professional manager” knows the most things, but its decision-making power is the smallest.
So, if you want to make changes, then you need to get the consent of the “boss lady”, especially the “boss”. Here are some ways to get the “boss” and “boss’s wife” to agree with the “professional manager’s” suggestions.
1.Create a suitable environment
A person’s behavior is not only affected by a person’s personality traits, but also by the impact of the environment.
For example, when I was in Guangzhou, I was like a tightly wound, desperately working “workaholic”. When I returned home, I lived like a “pig” (you know what kind of life!). .
When I was in Guangzhou, I couldn’t stop, but when I was back home, I couldn’t move. This is the influence of the environment on a person.
In ancient China, there is the story of “Mengmu moved three times”, and in the 90’s, in New York City, in order to reduce the crime rate, the mayor ordered to remove all kinds of subway and street graffiti, so that people feel that “the city is very standard”, thus effectively reducing the city’s crime rate.
The other day I saw a news article about a singer in Beijing named Yin (“Sister, you’re in the front of the boat”) who was arrested for drug use for the second time. After being released from rehab, why did he take drugs again? I think one important reason is that the environment he was in did not change.
All these examples show the importance of environment in changing one’s behavior!
A friend’s signature on WeChat reads, “If you don’t change the books you read and the people you hang out with, you’ll still be the same in five years.” I think that’s quite true. Changing the books we read and the people we associate with is actually changing our inner and outer environment.
So, if you want to change in some way, create a suitable environment for the change!
2.Lower the threshold of change
Our “boss” is lazy and afraid of difficulties, so if the magnitude of change is too large and difficult, it will not do. That “professional manager” can take the strategy is “lower the threshold of change”.
For example, you originally went to bed at one o’clock every night, and now want to go to bed before eleven o’clock at night, the magnitude of this change is too large, not very realistic. A more realistic approach is to go to bed 15 minutes earlier than usual. Wait until you get used to it, then go to bed 15 minutes earlier. Slowly, it will be more and more early to bed, and the habit of this late to bed will be changed.
3.Short-term incentive
On WeChat, often see friends change their avatars to a beautiful or handsome man with a superb body as an avatar. You don’t have to ask why they do this, they are implementing a fitness program! So how many people are successful? Oh, admit it, not many people are successful.
Why? Because having a perfect body with an inverted triangle or front and back, that is a longer-term goal, at least a year! And our “boss” it is more short-sighted, more practical. Insist on two or three months, if there is no effect, it will not persist.
So, in addition to the long-term incentive (to have the perfect body), short-term incentives to be more important.
Imagine: suppose you are a single young man, there are two kinds of motivation, one is “to dream and get up early”, and the other is “a beautiful woman with a great body asked you to run together at 7 a.m.”, which one is more you motivate you to get up early?
4.Change driving force
There is a girl, often suffer from emotional distress, often angry at others, tantrums, she asked me what to do? I suggested that she could go to some emotional healing workshops, or find a coach to support her to change. After she listened, she didn’t take the suggestion seriously.
After a year or so, I found that she was changing herself very intensively, attending many workshops and reading many books. Why did she make such a big change? It turned out that she was about to become a mother.
Her original motivation for change was: “I want to be a gentle and educated person,” and this motivation was only for herself, so when she had to pay a relatively large price for this, she lost the motivation.
And when she got pregnant, her emotional problems were not her problem alone, but were more related to the physical and mental health of her child. The change in drive caused a change in her behavior before and after.
Psychologists once did an experiment in which a piece of cheese was placed in front of a mouse, but there was a grid separating it. When the rat wanted to go over and eat the cheese, it received an electric shock. After the electric shock, the rat stopped trying.
The second experiment in front of the mouse was not a piece of cheese, but its cubs, still separated by a grid. This time the rat was still subjected to the same electric shock, but the rat still overcame the pain of the shock and crossed that grid.
So, if you really want to change, then tap into that stronger inner drive!
5.Change the perception of identity
When a person identifies with a certain identity, he will exhibit behaviors corresponding to that identity.
Philip Zimbardo, a former professor of psychology at Stanford University. Zimbardo, he did a famous Stanford prison experiment in 1971 (the experiment was also made into a movie called “The Death Experiment”).
The experiment consisted of 12 people playing the role of prison guards, another 12 people playing the role of inmates, they are physically and mentally healthy, no prior imprisonment of students. The 12 students who played the role of prison guards, in that environment, showed extreme violence when they identified with the identity of the guards.
This experiment illustrates the influence of environment and identity on a person’s behavior.
For example, there is a famous self-publisher who calls himself “Luo Fat”, I think when he has such an identity, it will be difficult for him to lose weight.
Another example, as mentioned in the previous article, when the girl’s identity perception is: “I am a girl” and “I am a mother”, her behavior will be completely different.
So, when you want to make a change, create an identity that matches it!