In the psychotherapy room, we often see such families: perfect and harmonious families – Mr. successful career, courteous; wife is gentle and virtuous, well-dressed; but the child is a variety of problems, the most is – do not go to school. At this time, in the psychotherapy room will play such a drama: parents take turns to reason gently with their children! These reasons are universally applicable, and without exception, the child does not listen! Certainly won’t refute it, just stifle it and say nothing. At this time, the parents will forcefully restrain their anger, turn their heads to seek my support, they are extremely aggrieved, extremely helpless: “Doctor, so all the reasoning has been told to her, all that we can do we have done, but she is still like this, what can we do?” A sentence born into the child into the bottomless abyss of unfaithfulness and unfiliality, and the parents appear to be completely irresponsible! But they don’t realize that the child is actually only the scapegoat of the family! The cause of the child’s problems comes from two parents who don’t argue! When two adult men and women get married, they are not just the union of two people, but the union of two different family backgrounds, educational backgrounds and social backgrounds. If the two personalities are not mature enough to be independent, there will eventually be countless contradictions and disagreements, but it is obvious that the reality is that there are always a lot of couples who can’t resolve these contradictions, so that these contradictions are passed down from generation to generation, and they are manifested in a certain family member who is the scapegoat of the family, and that this family member is usually a child. In this kind of family, the husband and wife are courteous and respectful to each other, trying to avoid conflicts to protect the marriage, but replacing quarrels with apparent calmness and cold war, withdrawing all the initial love for each other and betting doubly on the children, and even both sides of the communication to be turned around in the children, so that the children to convey on behalf of the children. As a result, although the parents are calm on the surface, emotionally complaining or even resenting is like a raging torrent, hitting the child’s inner emotions. The child guards the parent’s emotions like a faithful sheepdog, lest something happen. Many children’s heartfelt words are, “I feel like I’m more mature and understanding than my parents, worrying about everything to them.” “I don’t like it, it’s too tiring and I don’t feel like I had a childhood.” “This week has been happier because my mom has been gentler on me and hasn’t been prickly!” “My dad? When my mom and I argue, my dad runs away!” Therefore, family therapists recommend that all families learn to argue, and Napier, a famous family therapist, writes in his book, Families on a Hotplate – A Family Therapy Journey to the Heart, that almost all couples must learn how to make arguing more constructive. In the author’s opinion, the so-called constructive refers to the use of correct arguments to solve hidden crises and make the family stronger, reduce hidden dangers, and protect the marriage and the healthy growth of children. Constructive arguing means discussing the matter, expressing emotions, using “I” as the main language, trying to be less critical, less accusatory, and keeping the “fight” status, not retreating and running away, and not reserving the problem for the next bigger outburst. Of course, a more constructive approach is to improve self-awareness and self-control, and to seek personal character growth or refinement, which may only be realized in a psychotherapy room.