Ask “small” questions, not “big” questions. Unlike adults, children have difficulty understanding abstract questions and answering them. Therefore, if you want to know about your child’s school, try to avoid “abstract” and “large-scale” questions. Instead, ask simple questions that are sure to be answered, and start with the details. Don’t ask, “How was your day at school?” “What did you do at school today?” These are the kinds of questions that children have a hard time answering or will simply reply, “It was okay.” “Didn’t do anything!” This can make it hard to keep the conversation going. You can instead ask, “What classes did you have at school today?” When your child says nature, music, or Mandarin, you have the opportunity to follow up with, “Wow! What did you teach in nature class today?” The child will then answer your question, “Weather! Temperature, wind direction, it’s boring!” “Oh! Is music class any better? ……” You can then take the opportunity to understand what he did today, and continue to talk. Second, Talking about other people’s business When Tong Tong first started school, I wanted to know how she was doing in school, so I used a little bit of a roundabout way. In the course of our chat, I began by asking her, “Who is the naughtiest in your class?” She said a name. “What did he do to make the teacher angry?” My daughter said, “Talking in class! And hitting a classmate on the head with something yesterday!” “What did the teacher do?” “The teacher punished him to stand!” “For how long?” “Until the end of class! It’s terrible!” “Ah! It’s true! That’s so sad. You can’t even sit down, your feet must be sore.” “Yeah, and we can’t go out to play after class!” “Wow! Is your teacher that mean?” “It’s okay! A little bit.” “Have you ever had a teacher be mean to you?” “No! I’m very good.” “Wow! That was close! So you didn’t even get punished by the teacher?” She hesitated. I hurriedly said, “You’ve been punished, too? That’s so sad. Did you cry?” She shook her head and said, “No.” I then asked, “Ah! You didn’t cry even though the teacher was so mean, you’re very brave.” “No! I wasn’t punished by this teacher, I was punished by the physical fitness teacher.” “Wow! Did you talk too?” “Yes. But luckily it was only for a while!” From this conversation, I learned about her perception of the teacher, how the class was conducted, and how the teacher handled the child’s misbehavior. Talking about others” is a good way to talk, for example, the child will tell me who eats the slowest, who gets punished the most, who does the best homework, who hit who today, etc. Of course, during the conversation, we will talk about the teacher’s behavior and how she feels about the teacher. Of course, in the process of chatting, we will be able to see what position he is in, what kind of view on the behavior of classmates, and then understand the child in our invisible, with what kind of physical and mental state to deal with things. Third, do not “deny”, as long as “empathy” Adults and children chat, it is very easy to happen a situation, is that adults often like to deny the child’s feelings. For example, when my daughter said, “Nature class is boring,” I would never say, “Nature class is not boring! Weather and meteorology is a very interesting thing ……” Believe me, as soon as you say that, this topic will not be able to talk! Because when your child feels that you don’t agree with what he is saying, it’s easy for him to swallow the words that follow. A better way is to reply, “Wow, nature class is boring, can you tell me what makes you think it’s boring?” “Because I was expecting to be able to do experiments and look at alcohol lamps and stuff in nature class, but it’s all sitting in a classroom! Boring as hell!” Keeping a neutral tone and empathizing with his feelings will often allow you to know more about what your child is thinking, understand his needs, and in turn help him with his dilemma. In fact, what the child needs right now is not “denial” but a conversation that “understands” his feelings. So, if mom says, “Ah! You must be in a very bad mood because you didn’t do well in the exam. You must be very sad right now, do you want to talk about your pain?” I believe that the child’s mood will be much better, and will continue to say what is on his mind to his mother. Four, as long as the “listening”, do not “lecture” Want children to honestly say how they feel, a very important step, is as long as the “listening”, do not “lecture”, “listening”, do not “lecture”, “listening”, do not “lecture”, “listening”, do not “lecture”, do not “lecture”, do not “lecture”. The most important thing to avoid when talking to your child is to “listen” and not “preach”. The most important thing to avoid when talking to your child is lecturing. Any kind of topic of conversation, as long as it degenerates into preaching and listening to the lecture, it is not interesting to the extreme. Therefore, chatting can be on the other side, on the topic to maintain a high degree of interest, more inquiries, less comments, more say “you”, less say “I”, it is easy to let the topic continue to go on and on. For example, a child says, “Mom, XXX hit me today.” “Wow, why?” “Because I wanted to play with a dinosaur and he wouldn’t let me have it.” “What did you do then?” “I just went to play something else.” “Why don’t you sue the teacher? Didn’t I teach you to tell the teacher when people bully you? You can also tell him that everyone can play with the common things! Didn’t mom tell you that?” If this is the way to talk, then the conversation must have come to a screeching halt. The child will end up closing his lips and not saying another word. At this point, you may want to continue to ask: “Oh, so you do not feel very uncomfortable?” or “So do you still want to play? Or, “What if you still want to play with dinosaurs?” At this point, you will hear what he really thinks: “It’s okay! I think it’s okay for him to play first, and then I’ll play when he’s done!” Or, “I was angry! So I told him, ‘I’m not playing with you anymore!'” When I was a counselor, I would talk to at least one child a week for an hour. These kids, some of whom had deviant behavior, it was my job to be there and listen. Therefore, I found that to let the child feel at ease to say what is in his heart, easy to chat, we must practice “do not evaluate, do not teach”, as long as you do these two points, children are usually willing to say what is in his heart. Five, pay attention to body language Chat, body language is also very important. Appropriate body language will make the child feel that you value him, seriously want to chat with him. Unless I’m driving, I try to look at my child with parallel eyes when I’m talking to him. If the child is young, then crouch down; if it’s an older child, then take his hand and sit down. Even if you are busy folding clothes or washing dishes while talking to your child, you must always turn your head to look at his expression. Because looking at someone and listening intently means you care about talking to him. Children are very sensitive to body language, and talking to someone while perfunctorily saying hmm, ah, oh; or staring at the computer while listening to him talk is not the way to encourage him to talk to you properly. Usually if I do this, my son will protest, “Mom, you’re not even paying attention!” Also, most children like close contact: holding his hand, touching his head, nuzzling his shoulder, rubbing the back of his neck, smoothing his hair, patting his back, etc. Often, the use of body language with a child with whom you have a certain level of familiarity can have a very positive effect on the conversation. Pay attention to talk with young children, do not randomly laugh; no matter how childish, how strange his words, you have to remain sincere, a serious, otherwise the child is very easy to think that adults are laughing at him, and do not want to continue to chat. The last thing I would like to remind you is that when you are talking to your child, sometimes when your child says something that surprises you or disgusts you, it is very important to remember not to move – to speak in a normal tone of voice and pretend that you don’t care. It’s important to listen as a friend before you realize what’s going on or figure out how to respond! It’s best to separate “lecturing” or “reasoning” with your child from chatting, so that he or she can speak freely and freely!