In our clinical work, we encounter many “problem children” who need psychotherapy, some of them have learning difficulties, some are bored with school, some are truant, some refuse to eat, some are depressed, some are emotionally out of control, some have abnormal behavior. These “children”, without exception, are “family troublemakers”. When we get close to them, we find that behind each child’s story is the story of the whole family; and it is not only these children who should receive “therapy”, but the whole family. As a psychological treatment method, “family therapy” is a unique way to find out the root cause of “family troubles” and untie the child’s “knot” through joint sessions between family therapists and family members. “A child who is not in school is the most loyal child. A child who does not go to school is the most loyal child in the family. There is a family of three: a chattering mother, a father who sits tight, and a son who refuses to go to school. The son is 13 years old and should be in his first year of junior high school, but after he finished his preparatory classes, he refused to step foot in the school. No matter how his mother persuaded him or how his father scolded him, he was determined not to go to school. Looking closely at the family sitting together, it was as if they were watching a staged drama: the mother and father were sitting on a three-person sofa, but at opposite ends, seemingly at a deliberate distance, while the son sat on a single sofa, his head bowed and silent, appearing to be playing with his playthings, but actually listening to every word his parents said. The mother was like an orator, analyzing the problem in a very clear way, first discussing the internal and external causes of the child’s reluctance to go to school, and then denouncing the father’s improper education methods. Every time she spoke, it was a long and insightful speech. Dad, on the other hand, rarely spoke, and it took several questions from the therapist before he managed a single reply. The cause of the problem seemed clear: the couple had just come to Shanghai from abroad two years ago to work, and their son was bored with school because he was “uncomfortable in the country”. However, the real problem was not here. Inspired by the therapist, the mother mentioned that the couple’s relationship had been strained. She broke down in tears when her husband threatened to leave the family during one of the arguments. At that moment, her son, who had been scowling on the sidelines, suddenly stood up and looked very annoyed. In fact, the son, who refused to go to school, was just a “scapegoat”. Because of his parents’ long-term “cold war”, the family has been in a state of instability and turmoil, and he was worried about losing the family with the departure of either parent on the one hand, and witnessing his mother’s long-term loneliness on the other. So his not going to school, that is, he can make himself stay at home with his mother, but also succeeded in becoming the only topic that his parents can discuss together; that is, he drew his parents’ attention to himself, but also eased their tense conflict, preferring to be scolded and beaten himself, but not to have his parents quarrel. A child who does not go to school is perhaps a child who is most loyal to his family. A child who has grown up and is still attached to his mother’s umbilical cord This is a mother and son who are attached to each other. The son has already graduated from college, but he stays at home and refuses to go out to work; the mother is a strong woman with a successful career, managing a sizeable business on her own. In the treatment room, the mother reminded her son to sit upright, put his hands there, etc., as if the son was only 10 years old; and the son’s eyes always followed his mother, not leaving for a moment. The mother was clearly the main character in the family, talking eloquently, while the son listened intently most of the time. The mother said: she was very busy at work, often traveling and going abroad, and her son’s being home alone made her uneasy. The therapist asked the young man: How do you live your life without your mother? The son replied timidly, “I don’t know what it is, but I always get very worried about my mother in my heart. I can’t sleep every night, and several times I walk to my mother’s room and sleep in her bed before I can fall asleep. Mother complained: When I was at home, everything was normal for him. The mother said: “What I can’t stand is that when mother and son are together there are always a lot of arguments and entanglements. I really don’t understand why my son, who has already graduated from college, just doesn’t want to go out to work. The son argued: I have a social phobia and I get nervous when I see people. The mother taunted her son: He is so old and still can’t be independent, so I am ashamed to have such a child. But the son was indifferent to his mother’s words, as if he enjoyed the feeling that she was scolding him like a child. It turns out that 10 years ago, when his parents divorced, his single mother once put her son in his grandmother’s house and went out to work by herself; the son who lost his father lost his mother’s care and love, so his lost heart stayed in his teenage years. It was not until the son went to college that he moved in with his mother again. The son, who had been “abandoned”, always wanted to find the feeling of being with his mother in his childhood and has been clinging to her ever since, even though he has already become an adult, he cannot be independent and hopes that the umbilical cord connecting him to his mother has never been cut. A depressed child, burdened with excessive family expectations 22 years old, a budding age, but the young man in front of him is pale, as if he has not seen the sun for a long time, a look of lethargy. He was a very bright young man, who was directly exempted from graduate school and enrolled in a master’s degree program, which was enviable, but he had been depressed for several months, unable to concentrate and unable to keep up with his studies. He told the counselor that he had been feeling powerless for a long time, and he always felt like there was a big mountain behind him that was weighing him down. He had wanted to be successful in his studies and surpass his grandfather and father, but now he felt that no matter how hard he tried, he could not meet their expectations, and he felt guilty and helpless for his current situation. This is a child who is burdened with his family’s expectations. His grandfather was a scientist with an illustrious past who had made many contributions to the country’s scientific endeavors; his father was a doctoral supervisor at the university, and although not as famous as his grandfather, he was also a successful student and was highly respected by his students. From his childhood, he was hailed by his grandfather as the new star of the family. In his words, my grandson was destined to study in the world’s leading universities and become a better person. For this reason, he was also determined to become the talent expected by his fathers since he was a child, he studied hard and always held himself to the highest standard; he entered university life according to the school and major chosen for him by his fathers, but he gradually found that he did not like the major chosen for him by his fathers, and he had his own hobbies and interests, so there was a conflict between his own interests and the expectations of his family, he suppressed his interests, forced himself to obey the family’s choice, and forced himself to be a student. He suppressed his interest and forced himself to obey the family’s choice, and persevered through four years of college, and was successfully pushed to graduate school and master’s degree. When he told his family about the results of his great efforts and success, their reaction was very flat, and his father said to him: that’s the way it should be, we always thought you could have learned better. The thought of continuing his studies for five years in a field he didn’t like, and the thought of pursuing a similar career in the future, was no longer balanced, and he began to suffer from sleepless nights, depression, memory loss, and inability to concentrate. His father’s words to him were: Our family’s children are not supposed to be like this. This made him feel even more guilty and his depressive state continued and worsened. When he and his family, with the help of the therapist, began to accept the child’s actual situation, began to realize that the most important thing for a person is to be mentally and physically healthy, when the family began to respect the child’s personal interests and aspirations, and returned to the child’s own goals, when the parents began to let go of their ego and adjusted their expectations for the child, the child could overcome the depression and go back to school and When the parents begin to let go of their own self-will and adjust their expectations for the child, the child will be able to overcome depression and go back to school and start his or her academic life. Behind every “problem child”, there may be a “problem marriage” or “problem family”. To solve the root of the child’s problem, we need to treat the whole family system; to facilitate the transformation of the family system by adjusting the relationship between family members; to help the family find out the meaning behind the child’s symptoms, to help the family loosen the “strings” that are tied to the family, to create a new perspective and space, and to give the family a new way of thinking and a new space. By helping families identify the meaning behind their child’s symptoms, helping families to loosen the “strings” that bind them, creating a new perspective and space, and giving families a new way of thinking and understanding, we seek opportunities to change the rigidity of the situation and promote the development of the family to improve the individual’s symptoms.