Gnawers are a growing group of people who are financially independent and unable to be independent and have been living on their parents. According to statistics, 30 young people in the city live on “old age” and 65 families have “old age” problems. So why the sudden increase in gnawing on the elderly? Should the elderly be “nibbled”? The multiple reasons for gnawing Lin Ying said that in the family system theory, the parent-child relationship is established by the joint “cooperation” of both parties, “gnawing” is generally the “complicity” of parents and children. The parents and children are generally complicit. So the reasons for gnawing on the old should also be seen from two main aspects. First of all, in the Chinese family consciousness, many parents have the idea that “children are older, even if they are married and have children, they are still my children”, which has the idea that “even if the children grow up and become independent, parents still can not let go of their responsibility for their children”. The subtext is “even if the child grows up and becomes independent, the parents still cannot let go of their responsibility for the child. Behind the seeming coddling is the parent’s need for the child’s companionship, the parent’s satisfaction by raising the child and the child’s attachment to him or her, and the deprivation of the child’s ability to separate with substitution and bondage. And this also reached a consensus in the parent-child relationship, so that children subconsciously cater to the needs of their parents, thus losing the opportunity for independence, parent-child boundaries become blurred, and over time, “nibbling” has become natural. On the other hand, most children nowadays are only children, lose the process of growing up with siblings, parents will also bet all their energy and love on a child, the consequence is that the child will be more self-centered, dependent on parents, from childhood under the “protection” of parents lack of independence, and even feel that parents They may even feel that their parents take care of them as a matter of course. In addition to the modern society, the pressure of survival, the current situation of the difficulty of finding a job, so that many young people can not be high and low, which also increases the objective possibility of gnawing on the elderly. Many children are still in the head to work or the pursuit of dreams, resting on the status quo or climbing high branches in the tangle, in the process, gnawing on the elderly has become a way to escape the pressure of society and survival. Children gnawing on the old, refuse better For various reasons, children gnawing on the old, many parents in the beginning will choose to condone, and some good family conditions, will always be tolerated. Lin Ying said, gnawing is sometimes a phase of the problem, if all family conditions allow, gnawing is the tacit approval of both parents and children, and are not bothered by it, then it does not necessarily have to change at the moment. However, the long-term nibbling, whether the parents agree or not, is not good for the maintenance of parent-child relationships. If a child is idle at home, he or she is prone to problematic behaviors: playing games or indulging in other activities, which can also have a negative impact on his or her physical and mental health. In the long run, children’s old age not only hinders their independence and lack of ability to support their parents, but also affects the education of the next generation. So it is better to refuse to gnaw on the elderly. Reject before it is too late, the way to be careful With the growing age of the elderly, many elderly people began to realize that if the child can not be financially independent, continue to gnaw on the child’s own harm, and will begin to take a series of ways to refuse to continue to gnaw on the child, but even so, the problem is not easy to change. Many cases of gnawing on the Internet, including many people condemn the lack of responsibility and unfiliality of the gnawers, more attention is paid to some tragic cases. For example, a man gnawing on the elderly was rejected, wrote a suicide note to jump off a building; son gnawing on the elderly for 8 years was kicked out of the house, cursing his parents; children gnawing on the elderly complained that parents do not buy houses and cars, killing his mother. These are in fact the negative effects of decisive rejection. Lin Ying pointed out that the elderly in the refusal of the child to nibble before it is too late, it is best to start cultivating the child’s independence in adolescence, because this stage belongs to the “psychological weaning” period, the child begins to appear independent and dependent on the coexistence of training the child’s sense of independence and behavior, and gradually complete the transition from adult to social, is very necessary. It is necessary to cultivate children’s independence and behavior to gradually complete the transition from adult to social person. Refuse to nibble also need to be methodical, at first must be communicated with the child to reach a consensus. If repeated communication is not effective, parents can clarify their bottom line, such as children want their parents to buy a house, but can not meet their needs, parents can clearly inform the child can provide specific help. If agreement cannot be reached, the child can also be brought along to family therapy, through the guidance of a psychologist, to help both parents and children understand each other, clarify their respective responsibilities and powers, reach agreement, and work together to solve the problem.