Not any adult can fall in love without problems. According to the psychoanalytic point of view, a person can have a healthy and normal relationship only after overcoming the oral and anal complexes, resolving the Oedipus complex, eliminating sexual repression and fear, and accomplishing self-identity. People with oral complexes are too dependent and have unclear interpersonal boundaries. Such people fall in love, it is easy to use the other person as part of their own, use each other to realize their own wishes, their future in the other person, so very entangled, like to toss. Anal knot people “independence” is too strong, resistance to dependence, deliberately make the interpersonal boundaries very clear, for fear of having anything to do with others. It is impossible for such a person to be truly committed to a relationship. When they get close, they panic, and it’s hard to build a truly intimate relationship. People in the Oedipus phase are deeply influenced by their parents, are only interested in the opposite sex in a parental style, and project the parent-child relationship into a romantic relationship, demanding a lover as they would a parent. Even more frightening is the possibility of projecting a same-sex parent onto someone and treating him or her as an imaginary enemy, creating pathological jealousy. A person in the latent stage has strong sexual repression, even sexual fear, has no interest in the opposite sex, and prefers to hang out with the same sex. Such a person cannot enter heterosexuality. People in puberty have a confusion of identity, or “identity crisis”, not knowing who they are and what kind of person they will be in the future. Such a person is not in a position to be in a relationship, nor is he or she in a position to be in a relationship. So, what kind of people can fall in love? What psychological preparation is needed to fall in love? First, independent Malle 0-1 months called “autistic period”, 2-5 months called “symbiotic period”, after 6 months called “separation – individualization period”. The autistic period is a continuation of the fetal period, in which the infant is self-contained and lives entirely in his or her own world, without yet establishing contact with the outside world. During the symbiotic period, the child establishes contact with the mother, but there is no separation between the human body and the mother and the child, and there is no interpersonal boundary or “independence”. The separation-individuation period is the process of gradually establishing interpersonal boundaries and becoming an autonomous individual, and usually lasts until the age of three. A person who has completed the separation-individualization stage has clear interpersonal boundaries; you are you and I am I. He will not be overly involved in other people’s affairs; he will not take other people as part of himself; he will not use other people to fulfill his own desires; he will not pin his future on other people; he will not guess what other people are thinking; he will not demand that other people have the ability to communicate with others telepathically; and he will not demand that other people be responsible for his own emotions. He is independent and responsible for his own behavior. He respects the other person and does not arbitrarily violate the other person’s self-boundaries. Second, the integrity of the object Klein called 0-6 months “split – paranoid period”, this period of time the baby does not have the ability to “perception”, it “perceived” the world is The world it “perceives” is fragmented and in pieces, which is called “partial object”. As the child grows older, the ability to “perceive” gradually develops, and the world is gradually “organized” into a whole. At some point in this process, the world is divided into good and bad objects, and the mother is divided into good and bad mothers, which is called “splitting”. This is called “splitting”. Human beings have the instinct to avoid suffering and happiness, and to avoid the bad and prefer the good, so the good objects are retained and the bad objects are suppressed or “projected” to the outside world, thus thinking that the mother is good and the strangers are bad, and considering all strangers to be the imaginary enemies, which is called “paranoia”. After 6 months, with the further development of the ability to “perceive”, the child finally realizes that there is only one mother, both good and bad. As a result, he develops conflicting feelings of love and hate for his mother. When we love someone, we cannot allow ourselves to hate them. If one hates him, one develops feelings of guilt and even falls into a state of depression. That is why Klein called this period the “depressive period”. Ambivalence is a product of “integration”. The presence of ambivalence indicates that integration has begun. If the integration is better, the inner conflict will gradually decrease. At that time, the child will give up the judgment of good and bad, and look at the mother objectively, neutrally, holistically and comprehensively. A person in a split-paranoid state will idealize, or demonize, or polarize others. Idealization makes it easy for him to fall in love with others, but the person he loves is not a real person, but a phantom in his mind, which is called “projection”. One day, when he realizes that the other person is not what he imagined, he thinks he has been deceived and demonizes the other person. People in a state of depression are a combination of angels and devils, idealizing and demonizing the other person, or idealizing and demonizing the other person at the same time, loving and hating each other, love and hate. And better integrated people can truthfully view each other, know that the other has advantages and disadvantages, not too good, not too bad, so, will not love madly, will not hate to the bone, and will not love to hate, capricious. His love is implicit, moderate and stable. Treating the other person as a complete object will inevitably lead to complete acceptance. Everyone is flawed, and flaws are an inherent part of his personality, one of his characteristics. If one accepts him as a person, one has to accept him along with his faults. If you only accept his strengths, do not accept his weaknesses, and always want to correct his shortcomings, it means that he has not been treated as a complete object, indicating that the integration is not yet complete. Third, the overall sex interpersonal boundary unclear people will take sex as a means of controlling others, which is called “erotic projection of sexual identity”, referred to as “seduction”; or take sex as a means of trading, pleasing, repayment. People with poor integration will break down the sexual object into one organ or part, such as breasts, legs, buttocks, and genitals, favoring one to the exclusion of the others; or break down the sexual act into one isolated action, such as peeping, friction, oral sex, and genital intercourse, favoring one to the exclusion of the others. They can’t even integrate their bodies and movements, much less integrate their minds and bodies, and thus can’t really respect each other. People in the Oedipus phase are prone to promiscuity, even promiscuity, because they are not in a relationship, but are looking for a substitute for their parents. Since no one can fully replace a parent, the search has to go on and on. People in the latency period have strong sexual repression or sexual fear, they can not really fall in love, even if they can fall in love, it can only be a spiritual relationship, commonly known as “masturbation”. Sex is a deep interpersonal relationship, and those who lack self-identity are afraid to enter into such a relationship, lest they “lose themselves”. Even if one enters into such a relationship, one’s body and mind are separated. In other words, the body enters, but the mind remains outside, looking on. On the other hand, the well-integrated person is neither overly obsessed with sex, nor does he have any obvious sexual repression or fear. His attitude toward sex is positive, committed, and relatively exclusive. For him, sex is not a particular organ, or a particular action, but the whole person and a series of actions. The person consists of both spiritual and physical parts, and both are honored. Sexual behavior includes marginal sexual behavior, process sexual behavior, and purposeful sexual behavior, none of which can be less than simplifying the process and going straight to the point. Fourth, reality check There is no fixed pattern for falling in love. The so-called pattern of love, in fact, is the compulsive repetition of the Oedipus complex, that is, the childhood parent-child relationship is projected onto the romantic relationship, belonging to the neurosis reaction. However, the object of the relationship is not the parent after all, and the old patterns often do not work; one must adapt one’s behavior to the situation. This is not an easy task and requires the ability to “reality check”. Some people live in their own world, treating fantasy as reality, and are blind to, or distort, the truth. Instead of interacting with the other person, instead of being in a real relationship, he makes up his own tragicomedy of love. He’s not in love with anyone, just in love. If he has poor interpersonal boundaries, he will also push the boundaries of others and force them to cooperate with him and be his supporting cast. True love arises from interaction, adjusting one’s own behavior according to the other’s behavior, with no fixed pattern, depending on the “actual” situation. If you don’t have the ability to test reality, can’t adapt, can’t follow fate, and are overly “egotistical”, it’s impossible to get true love.