All things in this world are in their own way, yin and yang are in harmony with each other.
God let it die, must first make it crazy.
Without constraints, the world would not be ethically ordered.
A car not only has an engine, but also a braking system; a motorist not only has to step on the gas, but also often has to step on the brakes.
Everyone who lives in this world and wants to achieve his or her wishes and satisfy his or her needs must have control over himself or herself and his or her environment.
Sense of control is a subjective perception, feeling or belief about control as opposed to objective control (i.e., the environment and the conditions of control that the individual actually has).
The sense of control is the subjective feeling that the individual has that “everything is under my control”.
I. Creation and development of individual “sense of control
When a baby is born, he sucks on his mother’s nipple with his mouth, which not only gives the mucous membrane of his mouth and lips a sense of pleasure, but also gives him a basic sense of control, for example, he can suck hard on his mother’s nipple and not let go in order to get enough The child is born with a sense of “control”.
At birth, the child has a “grip reflex,” which means that when something is placed in the child’s hand, he or she will hold on to it.
Later, the child’s small hands can grasp more things, such as the mother’s lapel.
As soon as the child cries, the mother comes to feed or change the diaper, whether the child is hungry or wet, the child’s inner sense of control expands even more, and he even feels that he is “all-powerful” and that everything is under his control. I can solve everything if I cry.
When the child is one or two years old, its behavior will be more active, can form more “sense of self-control”, for the various things in front of him to bite, to chew, or, with hands to grab to pinch. Through bowel training, children gradually learn to control their own bowel movements. By looking in the mirror, the child is helped to develop self-awareness, self-cognition and self-monitoring and regulation of his own expressions and movements.
At an older age, children gradually learn what to say and what not to say, what they can and cannot do in certain situations. What things should and must be done, and what things should not be done.
The sense of control always develops along with the sense of autonomy, with the formation of individuality, with the cultivation and improvement of personal ability, and with the development of a sense of self-independence.
The main components of the “sense of control”
1. Control over others: to get others’ attention with emotions or words, to make them satisfy their own desires and needs; to motivate others to make behavioral changes by rewarding or punishing them, and to feel that “I can fix this” and “I can fix him”. In this process, to a large extent, to achieve a sense of self “omnipotence”, to improve the sense of self-worth and self-esteem, a sense of superiority.
2. Control oneself: I am in charge of my own life; prudence; self-examination, self-monitoring, and self-restraint; development of personal will such as “diligence, effort, and restraint”, including repression and delayed gratification, in order to realize one’s own desires and satisfy one’s own needs.
3. Control of interpersonal relationships: let yourself do things such as “smile and welcome” to please others and make a good impression on them; those who obey me will prosper and those who disobey me will die. Through the control of interpersonal relationships, a sense of self-worth is achieved and dominance is seized.
Third, the sense of control and psychopathology
People often say, “It’s not that I don’t understand, it’s that the world is changing fast.” This is the psychological feeling during psychological stress, feeling that the future is unpredictable and lacking a sense of security and control inside.
If a white mouse is clicked randomly, it becomes anxious and behavioral stress occurs.
The anxiety patient is most worried: “If I lose control, I’ll …… go crazy!” They have the fear of “losing the sense of self-control” and feel that they have nothing to grasp and nothing to rely on.
Manic episode of mental disorder patients, most like to go to the intersection, directing traffic, in order to achieve their fantasy of “control” and “sense of omnipotence”, “self-superiority”.
Before the depression, the depressed person had a period of brilliance, it seems that he can always achieve what he wants, as he wishes, but later, when he encountered some unsatisfactory things, his ideals were broken, he entered a depressed emotional state, feeling very powerless, lost the sense of control and omnipotence over himself and others, no matter how hard he tried, he could not maintain or return to the former brilliance, he would feel angry He will feel angry and aggrieved, and even want to commit suicide. Suicide is the last behavioral coping method he uses to gain a sense of self-control.
It is common for schizophrenic patients to have a delusion called the “sense of being controlled”, believing that their thinking, emotions and behavior are controlled by some external force.
Fourth, the sense of control and mental health
Every psychologically healthy person lives in the interaction with the environment.
Each person who feels that the external environment is stable, even if it changes, is regular. In this way, the individual will gain a sense of certainty and security, and he will not have unexpected accidents or be harmed as long as he follows the objective rules.
The stronger the individual’s sense of inner control, the lower his anxiety or depression, and the higher the level of mental health such as sense of omnipotence, sense of worth and sense of well-being.
V. Sense of control and intersubjectivity
People walk dogs, dogs walk people; people drive cars, cars drive people.
Bosses terminate employees, employees resign from bosses.
Men conquer women by conquering the world, and women conquer the world by conquering men.
Water can carry a boat, but also can overturn it.
To take what you want, you must first give it.
When the official does not do for the people, it is better to go home and sell sweet potatoes.
……
Modern people are generally in mutual constraints and mutual control.
In interpersonal relationships, each person is seeking their own inner “sense of control”, so the two people will form a realistic level of mutual control, complement each other, each other.
Everyone likes to think: “He has to listen to me”, “I can handle him”.
In interpersonal interactions, some people control others directly, for example, through power or interest, ordering or hiring, instructing others to do certain things; other times, they will take the form of coercion, including more subtle ways, lending a knife to kill, snipe and fisherman; others will change others by controlling themselves, and eventually gain a “sense of control “, for example, “I must study hard to make others like me”; “I must behave well to give others a good impression”, etc.
Each person, in interpersonal interactions, allows his or her wishes to be fulfilled and needs to be satisfied by controlling himself or herself or the other person. This is the inner power source of the sense of interpersonal control.
Sense of control and Chinese culture
One of the important characteristics of Chinese culture is the culture of “collectivism”.
In a collectivist culture, how does an individual show his or her value through a sense of control?
The wind will destroy the wood when it is in the forest.
The only way for an individual to achieve self-worth is by “blocking others” to gain a sense of control, or even to abuse others as a source of their own happiness.
For example, after retirement, the old grandfather likes to go to the unit to watch the door. The gate of the unit is often closed, and all people who want to enter or leave the gate must first stop, say hello to the old grandfather, and ask him to open the door. This is how the old grandfather, by creating barriers for others, in order to realize his own value after retirement.
More commonly, “In life, I can’t make anything on my own, but I can get in your way and trip you up so you can’t do anything.” “I want to be the “sand” in your eyes, so that you know my existence, my greatness.”
This is the best way for the Chinese to gain a sense of control and value.