1. The stronger the mother, the weaker the son, the more domineering the daughter
Psychological counseling found that, in general, when the role of the father in the family is increasingly marginalized, the mother will become increasingly strong or even say no. From the perspective that children will always form an identity to the same sex parent side, daughters will identify with the tough mother, and over time, daughters will also become tough daughters, many families, tension between mother and daughter is often the same character of mother and daughter, that is, powerful mother must have a powerful daughter; grumpy mother, will certainly be grumpy problems inherited to their daughters, sometimes you will Sometimes you will find some very interesting phenomena, when the daughter rebelled against her mother’s tyranny, the daughter is also secretly inheriting her mother’s tyranny, and will logically bring to her future relationship with her daughter.
If the daughter always sees too much anger from her mother toward her father when she is growing up, she will also unconsciously transfer this emotion to her own intimate relationships when she grows up, and will always be angry at her boyfriend or husband for no apparent reason. In counseling, I met a woman who was a typical acute person, always angry at her husband for no reason, and later in a conversation, I asked about her parents’ relationship, and it turned out that her mother had the same temper as her, and she also liked to yell at her father. There is an old Chinese saying, “A father must have a son, and a mother must have a daughter,” which refers to this kind of parental identity psychology, a tyrannical father is bound to have a tyrannical son, a nagging mother is bound to raise a nagging daughter, we always inadvertently act as role models for our children, shaping their character and influencing their psychological growth. We are always acting as role models for our children, shaping their character and influencing their psychological growth.
A strong mother is a mother who uses her own will to control her family and her children.
The four sad traits of a strong mother are
(1) Self-righteousness, bossiness, finger-pointing, and fault-finding
Four common behaviors of powerful mothers.
① Must listen to the mother, everything the mother said.
② Closely monitor the child’s every move, know their whereabouts and behavior.
③The child must report all activities to her, and if necessary, she must get permission before acting.
(4) Blindly directing the child’s life, interfering with it, and manipulating its public and private life for no reason.
Three major psychological traces of strong mothers.
①Strong outside, insecure, not independent, self-worth needs to be constantly proven by outside things.
②Strong possessiveness, a girl-obsession complex, and putting all the emotional burden on her daughter.
③From childhood to adulthood, self-centered control and manipulation become habitual behavior.
2. Discipline makes the child lose self-confidence, the child is emotionally unstable, has no initiative, and is overly dependent on the parents for everything. An overly strict discipline style tends to erase the child’s personality.
A mother’s discipline of her child is different from that of her job, her boss and her subordinates. Otherwise, it will have a negative impact on the child’s character. The expert analysis says that nowadays, there are a kind of mothers who are tough and competent in their work, and their career is very successful, therefore, they demand their children to do the best, once the children do not do well, they may be scolded by their mothers, this “strong” emotion seriously affects the normal development of children’s mental health.
Many mothers take raising their children as a way to self-fulfillment, and if they can successfully raise their children to be outstanding, they often attach their own value to their children, and their children’s success is their success, and their children’s failure is their failure. Therefore, many mothers have to transfer this pressure to their children, imposing their will invisibly on their children, and their children become inferior in all these constraints. Overly demanding causes young children to lose their sense of security, psychological pressure increases, this time the child becomes tired, any criticism can not touch him, become bottomless, bored.
In front of the strong mother, the daughter chooses to unconditionally agree, and the son, there is another situation, that is, unconditional escape. In this regard, the famous Austrian psychologist Adler has a wonderful assertion, “If the mother is more authoritative, nagging at the rest of the family all day long, girls may imitate her and become mean and critical; boys are always in a defensive position, afraid of criticism, try to find opportunities to show their obedience.” Because, when a mother always blames and criticizes her husband, she is actually blaming and criticizing everything male, and the son as a male is bound to hide in the same unoccupied corner as his father.
So when an overly strong wife likes to ridicule and taunt her cowardly husband, she is actually the same as this ridicule and taunt to her son, so the stronger the wife, there must be a cowardly son, the more she accuses her husband of cowardice, the more cowardly her son will be.
Psychological counseling has found that most of the tough mothers do not produce tough sons, but mostly weak or even unproductive children. Wu Zetian is strong enough to seize the Li Tang Dynasty and become the emperor herself, but her sons are weaker and more mediocre than one another.
The other Cixi, also powerful enough, it, jointly with Prince Gong Yi extinguished the eight ministers entrusted to the orphans, with the Empress Dowager Cian with the curtain to listen to the government. But it happened to have a son who did not compete. The Tongzhi Emperor is also a no-good master, and finally shopped kilns out of syphilis. Tongzhi’s character is also very weak and mediocre, he went out to prostitutes to some extent is forced to his mother, because Cixi discipline him extremely strict, what kind of queen he married to interfere with, resulting in his normal married life can not be carried out, had to go outside to indulge themselves. This is the power of identity.
3, strong mother will make her son no manhood.
Nowadays, there are many mothers who are very capable. In the domination and domination of the family, often also rely on the will and leadership of the mother. The result is that the father can not reflect his leadership position, if the family wants to maintain relative harmony, for the mother’s advice and suggestions, the father can only be “firmly support”, otherwise it is a quarrel or cold war. As a result, the weaker father gives up the leadership position that belongs to him in the family.
From the mother’s side, it may be that
First, the mother herself is insecure and her self-worth needs to be constantly recognized by the outside world, especially by her family;
Second, the mother finds her husband unable to be a trustworthy person and is compelled to exercise dominance out of unease;
Third, the mother believes that the father is incompetent and stupid and does not offer any constructive advice, so she decides everything on her own;
Fourth, the mother had a strong sense of self-centeredness from childhood and liked to control and manipulate the behavior of others;
Fifth, the mother is very possessive and puts all the emotional burden on the child.
Boys living in such matriarchal families are indeed very unfortunate. Psychologically speaking, boys need a tall image of a male for their growth. In the absence of the father, it is likely that the boy will think that males are like fathers and females are like mothers. The strong mother does not show problems when the child is young, but by the time the child is in early childhood and adolescence, the child will have all sorts of problems due to the father’s weakness and inability to stop the mother from over-interfering with the child.
Problem 1: Masculinity is difficult for boys. Children are less aware of male strength, they develop “fatherlessness syndrome”, lack of masculinity, slower development in weight, height and movement, and emotional disorders such as anxiety and weak self-control, and they become weak, timid, withdrawn and inferior in character. When entering society in the future, they will experience various states of discomfort, be unable to act according to their gender role norms, prefer to find strong women to marry, and be unable to be a husband worth relying on.
Problem 2: Disrespect for authority in children. Families with a loss of patriarchal authority can lead to children not only not learning to respect authority and understand hierarchy from their fathers, but also to believe that men are just like their fathers. At the same time, in a dysfunctional family, children who are faced with a strong mother tend to instinctively curry favor with the “strong one,” especially boys, who will follow their mother’s lead and unwittingly rebel against their father, not paying attention to his opinions.
Problem 3: The child is overprotected. A mother who is overly dominant is a sign of her insecurity and can become a typical protector. Fearing that the problems she fears will occur to her child, she wants to filter anything that is detrimental to her child and try to prevent it from happening through her own efforts. Thus, the mother does everything and asks the child to follow her in both thought and behavior, and eventually the child will be unable to do anything and will be totally dependent on the mother, further confirming the mother’s thoughts.
Problem 4: Putting too much pressure on the child. Powerful mothers are often capable and perfectionists, and will take raising their children as a method of self-fulfillment, demanding the best from them. Thus, they inadvertently impose their will on their children and attach their own values to them. There is no denying that these strong mothers give a lot, but it is precisely this “giving” that makes children feel pressure and can easily cause children to lose their sense of security and self-confidence, resulting in psychological inferiority complexes in adulthood.
Problem 5: It makes it difficult for children to be independent. Strong mothers are not only strong in front of their husbands, but also in front of their children, not allowing them to say “no”. The child has little opportunity to make independent decisions in life, and everything is taught, directed and arranged by the strong mother. Over time, the child will give up his or her own commitment and lose the ability to solve problems and face life independently, forming unconditional obedience and dependence on the mother.
Problem 6: The child learns to passively resist. Powerful mothers make children lose themselves and feel that everything they do is for the sake of their mothers, and they cannot generate motivation inside to do things. Under the pressure of power, the child knows that it is useless to resist, and although he or she says “no” inside, he or she can only show superficial obedience, which is why the child feels that he or she can only have autonomy by passive resistance. As a result, children often take a negative attitude when faced with things they can’t control and don’t want to do.
Problem 7: Children have difficulty learning to interact socially. Parents are the first people of the same and opposite sex that children get to know, and their friendliness with them enables children to learn how to get along with friends of the same and opposite sex when they grow up, which determines their interpersonal skills. And under the management of a strong mother, this social deformation of interaction makes the child afraid of encountering negativity and rejection and accustomed to hiding his or her inner feelings. This pattern of defense makes it difficult to integrate into society as it has a tendency to be socially isolated.
Problem 8: A strong mother can lead to an “Oedipus complex”. The more love a strong mother puts into her son, the more she expects to gain, and the deeper the bond between mother and son, and even treats her son as a “substitute spouse” and the only object of emotional support. Eventually, the child may desire to possess the son, to the point of wanting to share everything the son has. This makes it difficult for the child to break away from the mother’s influence and gain his true self. This, in adulthood, makes it difficult for the boy to identify with other girls and become more dependent on his own mother.
To sum up, a mother who is too strong, or who has a lot of contact with her child, must make her child have a good perception and a correct image of his father in his own mind. In fact, a wise mother will always give her father the opportunity to make her child feel his presence at all times, while respecting her husband herself is the best way to demonstrate paternal authority.
Of course, a father cannot avoid his responsibilities and should also strive to be more involved in the decision making of family affairs. Finally, it is important to know that strong control sometimes may not be strong power to control the child’s thinking or emotions, but also may be a gentle strong care or sweet words of strong control.