We have noticed that there are many children in life who have no idea of what they should be dealing with and rely on their parents for everything; there are also some children who are not very old but are very conscious of themselves. They get up on time in the morning; go to school by themselves; come home from school and do their own homework …… to these parents for advice, we found that they have a common practice, that is, at a very young age, they pay attention to the development of their children’s sense of autonomy and ability. We summarize the success of these parents as follows – Autonomy: refers to the independence and initiative of people in their activities, which is expressed as a state in which individuals freely and independently govern their own words and actions. A child’s autonomy is primarily reflected in his or her ability to make free choices about his or her behavior.
Give your child space to move forward on his own
Babies, of course, like to live in their mothers’ arms, but they can’t live like that forever. There is such a mother, the child has been in the second grade, send him to school also struggled to carry him, until a few dozen meters away from the school, for fear that the teacher saw, reluctantly put the child down …… so by the mother to care for the growing child, his autonomy from it? The parent’s, according to the child’s own characteristics and abilities, should expand the child’s free space, such as encouraging him to find their own friends to play, let him be the master in this space himself.
Second, give your child time to make his own arrangements
Many parents think that children are still young and do not know how to arrange their own activities. But if adults completely underwrite the child’s schedule and the child just goes to perform, then the child’s autonomy will never be cultivated.
One father, when his child was more than 3 years old, gave his child a period of time every day that he had at his disposal. As long as there was no danger, the child could arrange to do what he wanted to do: play, watch TV, draw, do puzzles, or do nothing at all …… When he got bored, he would eventually come to his parents on his own initiative, and they would give him some The parents give the child some guiding advice. In the long run, the child will gradually know how to cherish time and learn to organize it.
Three, give the child conditions, let him exercise himself
The fact is that the child’s development is contrary to the objective law, it will certainly fail, but the negative attitude of “let nature take its course” is also not conducive to the growth of children. Follow the objective law, and actively create the conditions for children to exercise, this is the right approach we should take.
A mother saw a 5-year-old child interested in washing dishes, prepared a small bench for the child, said to the child: “I know you especially love to work, want to wash dishes by themselves, but the faucet is too high, you can not reach, Mom prepared a small bench for you ……” child The child excitedly shouted: “Thank you, Mom!” Immediately get on the small bench and happily learn to wash the dishes like an adult.
The first thing you should do is to give your child questions and let him find the answers himself.
When a child asks a question, it is common practice for adults to tell him the answer immediately. This may seem simple and hassle-free, but when the child grows up, he or she will not think about the problem and will always expect others to provide ready-made answers. This directly hinders the child’s autonomy in intellectual work.
One parent’s success story is that when my child asks me a word, although I know it, I don’t tell him, but let him look it up in the dictionary. In the future, when there are words he doesn’t know, he doesn’t come to ask me anymore, but goes to the dictionary himself.
V. Give your child difficulties and let him solve them by himself
As the saying goes, “poor children are early adopters”, children living in poor families, the poor living environment naturally prepares them for hard exercise; now that the standard of living has generally improved, parents should find more ways to set some difficulties for their children to solve; when children encounter difficulties in life, they are also required to solve them by themselves. This will cultivate the child’s ability and will to deal with the future.
Sixth, give your child opportunities, let him seize
People will encounter many opportunities in their lives, but if they are not good at grasping them, they will pass you by. The task of parents should be to provide or point out various opportunities and inspire their children to seize them themselves, so as to cultivate their children’s ability to seize opportunities and participate in fair competition.
One elementary school student happened to talk to her mother about an English selection contest at school, and her mother encouraged her child, who had good English grades, to try to participate, telling her that this was a rare opportunity and that seizing an opportunity meant taking a step forward on the road to success. The results of this competition were used as an important reference factor when she was promoted to junior high school in elementary school. The child was very grateful for his mother’s reminder and was very proactive in expressing himself in various opportunities in the future.
Seven: Give your child conflict and let him solve it by himself
Just like adults, children inevitably have conflicts together. The process of conflict resolution is the process of healthy growth and maturity for children. When children tell their parents about the conflicts they encounter such as interpersonal interactions, parents should encourage their children to face it and guide them to solve it themselves, rather than avoiding it, and should not be moved by parents instead of children to solve the problem.
Eight, give your child rivals, let him compete on his own
In order for children to improve their ability to adapt to society, it is necessary for children to learn to cooperate and compete from an early age. An effective way to do this is to often set up a friendly competitor on his side.
One student was a poor student and at one stage became the bottom of the class. The parents repeatedly encouraged the child not to be discouraged, to dare to compete with others, first of all, and a little better than their own children than, as long as the effort, to catch up with him no problem. After the child’s victory, the parents inspired him to find new competitors and start a new round of secret competition ……
Nine, give your child the right to make his own choices
A child’s autonomy is most evident in his independent choices. But many parents are afraid that their children will make the wrong choice and never give them the right to choose. Such children will not be able to adapt to the competitive social life when they grow up. Parents should take the initiative to give their children the right to choose, and tell them to be responsible for their own choices.
One parent took her child to the Children’s Palace for registration. The parent’s original intention was for her child to learn piano, but she was found looking at the door of the dance group, so the parent respected her child’s choice and also made a request: she should be responsible for her choice and must stick to one stage to learn dance well.
Ten, give the child the title, let him create his own
Creation is the highest level of autonomy. A child’s creativity does not come naturally, but also requires the active guidance and clever stimulation of parents. There is a child who loves to play with clay, and can make some patterns. So the parents took the initiative to buy the child a variety of clay sculptures and play dough, said to the child: “You want to play to learn, pinch, practice, to have new ideas.” With the encouragement of parents, the child gave full play to their talents, graduating from junior high school, has been able to easily pinch a lifelike figure of each characteristic, and this specialty to enter the arts and crafts school.
The creation of these conditions mentioned above is only conducive to the development of the child’s autonomy. In the process of concrete practice, parents must also constantly communicate with their children in a good and useful way, encourage them, evaluate their achievements and propose new tasks so that their progress never stops.