He was sunny, handsome, confident and talkative, but he was deeply troubled by his interpersonal relationship. During the consultation, I found that he had changed departments frequently in his short working experience of a few years, and he showed his disdain when talking about each job change. “There is another one they always talk about, too meaningless” …… quietly listened to him tell his grievances, I got up and poured a cup of hot water gently placed in front of him, told not long ago happened in their own body of an incident: I wore a pair of shelved for a period of time I wore a pair of shoes that had been on the shelf for some time, always felt uncomfortable toes, walking vaguely painful, I thought the shoes were faulty, so I took them to repair, the shoe repairer looked around and told me there was nothing wrong, so I just feel free to wear, I put it on again still feel uncomfortable, feet very uncomfortable, a gas will be complaining about the damn shoes too poor quality style limitations, so that the feet suffer. When I washed my feet at night, I found that I had somehow grown a small sarcoma between my toes, and only then did it dawn on me that I was wrong to blame the shoes that I couldn’t speak. He laughed at me and said, “It’s obviously your own feet that are in trouble, and you keep saying that there’s something wrong with your shoes”. I said, I also immediately froze, hesitantly said “maybe, maybe I made the same mistake as you ……” This handsome and sunny young man has a very common problem, he easily put the blame on others, but did not realize that it is himself who has the problem. In psychology, there is a defense mechanism called rationalization, which is a psychological defense technique to justify oneself with reasons in one’s favor when one suffers a setback or is unable to achieve one’s goals, so as to get relief. These people are often self-confident as they are forgiven and relieved of their wrongdoings through rationalization. In Freud’s words, we need to make “ourselves look good”. When blaming others becomes a habit, it inadvertently prevents good relationships with others, not only interfering with our ability to see ourselves as we really are, but also making us hostile, intolerant, and suspicious of others. Just as a shoe is just a shoe after all, it is still a shoe after it is repaired and scolded, it will not tell you that it is actually your foot that is wrong. People are different from shoes, when they are inexplicably accused, either rebuttal or distant. And this, only let your life road to go bump and stumble.