The theme of “work stress” here comes from the English “job stress”, which is translated as “stress” in physics and refers to the reaction force of a material under pressure. Stress is translated as “stress” in physics, which refers to the reaction force of a material under pressure. In fact, the so-called work pressure is very close to this physical meaning, which is a kind of stress. If you don’t react, you don’t transfer the pressure to yourself. Unfortunately, there is a reaction force when there is a reaction force, and I’m afraid that people who don’t react at all won’t be able to get along anywhere. It seems that we have to deal with stress. The most common way to relieve stress is to relax. The old Chinese saying that “a relaxation is the way of literature and martial arts”, the Western proverb says “will rest talents will work”, in fact, is a truth, a person as long as there are two or three can make their own physical and mental relaxation of hobbies, the general work of the tension brought about by the work is not so terrible. It’s all the same thing. Sadly, our schools only teach us how to work hard since we were young, not how to relax and leisure, “such as the bag of fireflies, such as reflecting the snow” is already hard enough, there is a more cruel “head hanging from a beam, cone stabbing the stock” … … …. People trained in this way will not take care of their innate interests and hobbies, and even their basic physiological needs are extremely suppressed and even destroyed, so how can they not get sick? Even if fortunately this male is relatively strong, once the excess effort rewarded for being a leader, the situation of subordinate employees can be imagined. That is why learning to rest is not only important, but especially important. Positive rest is not simply lying down to sleep, nor is it to relax the spirit and continue to overdraw physical strength (the so-called “tossing” is also), but in the activities of the body and mind are relaxed. In addition to active rest, relaxation, in the work of learning how to “do not react”. That is, do not let the pressure on themselves. To put it more vulgarly is “not to take the trick”. I remember a book about the Qing officialdom said, people are divided into two kinds: one kind of people do things well, serious, but relatively poor at coping with changes or ambiguous situations; another kind of people are good at contacting people (things), specializing in random and change. The former is often a very good technician, but promoted to leadership, to coordinate the organization of different people and things, the original strength can not be made out, or the more effort the more bad, effort is not pleasing. The latter is a better lubricant in the team, but if there is no backbone and principle of discipline, the good become a mixer of oil, the bad will become a black sheep. Therefore, to relieve the pressure, we must learn to avoid the shortcomings according to their own personality. Don’t choose the good mediator to attack, poor interpersonal coordination, don’t be superficially promoted to the eyes. The same task, pick can play their strengths of the road to go; originally not good at, can “not react”. The mutual support of a good team comes out at this time, complementary role can make 1+1>2. Even if there is no good team support, the non-reaction can only be non-reaction. Discover their own limitations, accept their own limitations, always better than to force it (here is the long-term effect). In fact, the most exhausting thing is not the work itself. People still have to live, and most of them get married and have children. It is better to take care of children at a pace that is adapted to the characteristics of children, yet active and leisurely; this is intrinsically incompatible with the stressful pace of work in the adult world. We have a dual-career system, which means that for at least one period of life, one has to work and take care of young children at the same time. If the two roles are not properly switched, role confusion and role contamination will result. Most lesbians feel more deeply about this. Doing housework can be assessed as a “model husband”, to take good care of the child is considered a “good mother”, the same as the evaluation of excellence, but the use of double standards. This is a double standard. It goes beyond the scope of work pressure. But then, life itself is so complicated. How to establish good interpersonal relations Marx gave two definitions of man, one is the familiar “animal that makes tools and uses them”, and the other says: “Man is the sum of his social relations.” In other words, in a social sense, who you are depends not on your hundred pounds, but on who you know and who knows you. I know Hu Jintao and Bush, but unfortunately they both don’t know me. Otherwise, my social identity must be different. As you can see, relationships are very important. Interpersonal relationships can be deep and shallow, “meet openly smile, after not think about”, this is the superficial relationship; “will die to pay for confidant”, which has to have a deep friendship. In the middle of these two, the so-called mid-level interpersonal relationships. For superficial relationships, the role of the general positioning is relatively clear, as long as you can treat people politely, you can cope with it. In the public order and morals, service personnel have service personnel behavioral norms, customers behave decently or not also has its own public opinion. Most people who have been raised to live in modern society, without deeper troubles (i.e., peace of mind), it is not difficult to be courteous. Losing one’s temper in public is often the result of more complex and deeper issues not being dealt with, and finding a relatively less destructive outlet for disturbed psyches and bad feelings. More important issues have not been dealt with, disturbed and still able to keep from losing their temper in public, this is called cultivation. But this is not in itself a matter of building good relationships at a shallow level. In short, if you have a relaxed and peaceful state of mind, you can naturally build good relationships at a shallow level, and this is not a problem that requires special effort. If you do not have a relaxed and peaceful state of mind, you will not be able to share pleasant resources with others, and pleasantness is the “gold standard” for measuring the quality of shallow relationships. Coworkers and superior/subordinate relationships or general friendships represent the middle level of interpersonal relationships. This level is also the level of feelings and interests intertwined, friendship, both interaction, transactions, but also feelings. If there are no more feelings, I’m afraid that the transaction will be gone. From this point of view, interpersonal relationships at this level are not like deep relationships such as husband and wife, parent and child. Husbands and wives can be very emotionally unavailable, and as long as there is no intention to break up the relationship yet, common interests are a given. Most of the common references to relationships are to the middle level. The biggest obstacle to building mid-level relationships is also the conflict between the principle of interest and the principle of affection. Some people mainly according to personal preferences, as a man of nature; some people mainly according to the “useful” principle of friendship, attaching importance to the relationship of interest. People who understand know that people of temperament do not hate interests, just do not be too contrary to his temperament; heavy interests of people are not ignorant of what it means to be happy, just don’t want him to be happy for the sake of a moment at the expense of the interests. Different values prioritize people, as long as not to their own values to force each other, can get along perfectly well. Fear is afraid of the first with their own twist, neither willing to give up the interests, against the temperament and can not let go. Always feel that they are flattering, flattered, their hearts and twisted, flattered may not be happy, flattered also do not have a sense of security. No sense of security, more afraid to offend people, want to please everyone, it is inevitable that physical and mental exhaustion. Psychological conflict is too strong, is the ambush of psychological disorders. Finally, a special note of caution is that no one can establish good interpersonal relationships with all people. In all your relationships, most of them can be, some especially good, and some and individual people can not get along, or even poor relations, this is normal. Not daring to offend and not making good friends are actually two sides of the same coin, with unhealthy, unconfident people caught in the core. Harmonious Family Harmony is said to be an ancient musical instrument used to distinguish scales of sound, and the sound of sound and harmony (read Ruohe), is derived from the coordination of music. Harmony, the part of speech, also means harmonization of sounds. In the language of physics, it is the resonance of sound waves. If you compare a person to a string of notes, it is not true that there are no tones that harmonize with them, but there are not many. Otherwise, would there still be a composer as a profession. Recently, I read a report that the divorce rate in a certain area in the north is more than 40%. Divorced, the vast majority is not harmonious, today like Tang Wan and Lu You, I’m afraid that the situation is rare; did not leave, may not be harmonious, make do with a large number of people. Otherwise, why is there always an endless stream of triangular relationship dramas? It seems that a harmonious family is indeed invaluable. Since ancient times, China has been emphasizing “family harmony”, and family disharmony is a disgrace. It is said that in the Song Dynasty, there was a big family that had not separated for many generations and was honored by the imperial court. The emperor asked the parents how they achieved family harmony. The parents did not answer, but wrote on a piece of paper with a pen a hundred “forbearance” – a hundred forbearance becomes gold. It seems that conflicts are not absent. In order to maintain harmony, at least on the surface, it is necessary to sacrifice individuality. In fact, it is not difficult to understand, a group of people of different heights, walking in different rhythms, want to arrange a harmonious and beautiful, how easy. But as long as the military training, from tall to short in order, and then a march. Look at nature is much more neat. Now the restaurant recruits waiters have to line up training, can be seen as an effective way to change the unevenness of the way. But it is a pity that this is not harmony. To harmonize, you have to be selected by the dance instructor with good musicality and motor coordination, trained, plus excellent choreography ……, and finally you can see the harmony, which is art. Humans from the group marriage system, dyadic marriage system, to the family as the cell of society fixed, largely not to take care of emotional harmony, but out of the need for survival and development. It is of course good to have both the fish and the bear’s paw; if not, most people will choose the bear’s paw, i.e., prioritize practical needs over emotional harmony. Society is progressing, and the progress is reflected in the fact that we can tolerate disharmony to be exposed openly. The institution of marriage and family, as mentioned earlier, is largely a matter of survival and development rather than emotional needs. But man is a spoiled child of God, not content to be the spirit of all things, the pursuit of art after labor, the pursuit of harmony after survival. The editor’s proposition is “Harmonious Family”, and he hopes that I can prescribe a good prescription for the treatment of the family, and then promote and improve it, so that a harmonious society will not be far away. The intention is very good. Unfortunately, I can’t do it. I would rather remind people to think more about how to be a “positively functioning” family on a specific issue. That would at least reduce child and adolescent behavioral problems. Which in turn would really make society run more smoothly. As for harmony, that’s a higher level of pursuit, and like poetry, there’s always a time for it.