One day I was sitting in the consultation room as usual when a lady in her twenties walked in with a sulky face, she talked a lot, mostly about ill fortune, negativity and slackness, dissatisfaction with so and so, disgust with studying, I instinctively thought that this might be a visitor who came to vent, just let her talk, but halfway through the session, the problem arose, she targeted me, saying that psychologists are just scam artists and not helpful at all. There was no use at all, she had seen many psychologists, she questioned their business skills with a personal attack attached, and then accused me of being too young and inexperienced, and that I was insulting her by giving back too little. I think I’m in trouble, or a little frustrated. I remained silent, not wanting to spoil the environment for her catharsis, but I was instinctively angry. After her voice trailed off, I spoke: “I agree with you. First of all, I feel that your coming here today and talking a lot about what happened to you here is a sign of self-preservation and self-respect, and I’m glad. I also know a lot about your pain, they do exist, but people around you don’t understand you.” Luckily, I managed to divert the problem away from her and she started to talk about how she was not understood and how she felt painful and desperate. For her, I gave her a positive hint to be accepted so that she could continue to vent, which is what she needed most at the moment, and for me, I was happy that I had overcome a small frustration. Frustration accompanies almost the whole process of human life, it lurks in any corner of the journey of life, tripping you up inadvertently, making you fall into the gray circle of life and thus feel anxious, even lost and uncertain, and difficult to extricate yourself. The direct cause of many emotional problems, even many mental problems, is related to frustration and the response after the frustration, such as depression, which often occurs after a long period of depression in the face of frustration. recognition and care are the most important, followed by medication and treatment by a psychiatrist.” This brings us to an approach that is important in the psychotherapy process: identity. This means that the first thing a person needs to address when experiencing frustration is the issue of identity, both self-identification and the identification of others. Self-identity, as the name implies, can an individual who does not even identify and respect himself gain the approval of others? Very often, people do things, not the lack of ability and opportunity, but when you face the problem, the mentality is ready for it. This is a lot of people often sigh: “I do not have the opportunity, I do not have the ability ……” where the various, in the envy of others achievements, perhaps you should think about, I am in the same situation on their own recognition of it. For example, every day there will be a lot of people come to consult that recently bad mood, bad sleep, bad diet …… chase the reason, may be related to the recent state of life, work, learning is not smooth, I told each other, this is normal, everyone will be like this, but many of them do not think, they think my ability not, my mentality is problematic, colleagues are doing better than me …… very obvious a self-negative way of perception, it is because of such a negative way of producing negative emotions, generating avoidance behavior, that is, you have shackled yourself before doing things, and the fact that your actual ability and level is much greater than your mind of yourself. The approval of others, in a broad sense, is not only the approval of the people around you, but also your achievements, your treatment and work environment, etc., are all manifestations of approval. Many people say, “I want to be content and let nature take its course. All I can say is I’m glad you know the reason you are unhappy, but I’m sorry, I won’t tell you that because I can’t do it myself. The problem arises, the reality and the ideal, the sense of disparity! Again, it’s the feeling of falling short, and it’s these various forms of falling short that make us naturally begin to doubt, or begin to complain, or begin to contradict. And have you seen what you get? So in the process of finding the approval of others, you need to learn to look at things from a different perspective, as previously mentioned. That is, many times the approval of others is there, but your focus is not on it, you ignore them, and therefore come up with the illusion that it all sucks! In life, frustration has both a frustrating, inevitable side and a positive function. It can derail your plans and ruin your future, or it can lead to maturity and achievement. For example, without a flood, there is no fertile land; without the sharpening of setbacks, there is no unyielding will. “The sky is descending on the people also, must first suffer their hearts and minds, labor their bones, starve their bodies, empty their bodies, line whisking its do, gain its can not.” (Mencius) “Frustration and misfortune are the steps of genius; the water of baptism for believers; the priceless treasure for the able; the bottomless abyss for the weak.” (Balzac’s words) are all about this level of meaning. The point is how you view and respond to setbacks. Have you ever thought about the positive aspects of moderate frustration: it can help drive away inertia and motivate people to move forward? That being the case, do we not see opportunities in the midst of frustration and defeat? The reasoning is here, and what we can read from various reading materials, I think we can understand, even to the extent of being able to list a long list of education of others, learning. However, once you fall into a similar situation, the problem arises. For example, Zhang Liang, the son of a powerful family, loyal and virtuous, but, Qin Shi Huang made him a slave of his country. He left Yi Yin and Guan Zhong behind to become an assassin. Perhaps many people approve of this approach of his, thinking that he dared to do and risk the death of the emperor to pull down the horse. Of course, it is not that he was wrong in this way, and we do not need to put our limited energy into discussing whether the way a person acts is right or illogical. This way of dealing with frustration is also chosen and used by many people, and the result? Another setback that almost cost them their lives. As you know, behavior needs reinforcement to continue, which means that most people need to rely on rewards as reinforcers to motivate themselves to go on. If you repeatedly fail and experience this frustration and discouragement over and over again, then unfortunately, the result can only be giving up or running away. So what are our methods when facing frustration? First, you do not reject it, but accept it. Frustrations are inevitable, don’t try to try to avoid them. Just like many young children nowadays, their families create a vacuum-like environment for them when they are young, and once they go out into society and step out of that vacuum, multiple problems come up and overwhelm them. When everything is going well for them, they may achieve good results, but in the face of setbacks, they avoid, retreat, resentment, fear, and then begin to doubt and deny themselves. The culprit for all this is that parents give them the illusion that setbacks can be avoided. Second, build self-confidence. How to build self-confidence? Think less and do more. More importantly, after doing everything, good or bad, be sure to identify yourself. As a parent don’t get overly involved in your child’s life, but encourage them to actively participate in your life by encouraging them to do chores and things they can do, treating them as an independent individual. Do not give up your things because of your children, you as an independent individual, need your own space, do not sacrifice for your children, may you release to your children the signal that you are disrespectful to yourself, they will be subconsciously affected. Once again, when faced with setbacks can not be overcome, you need to turn back in time, and do not consider it a failure, but a change in the way of coping, like an agile rabbit burrowed into the set laid by the hunter, the more you struggle forward the tighter the set binds, but unfortunately, even if it is only a slight step back, the danger will be solved. Zhang Liang’s success is not thanks to the old man on the bridge, but to the fact that he chose to take a step back in the face of frustration. Finally, in the face of setbacks, to actively mobilize your social support, on the one hand, you can promptly vent off your negative emotions, in addition to increase the weight of overcoming setbacks.