Patient: She has been a good student since she was a child, but in her second year of high school, she suffered from a failed early love affair, two sports sprains (ankle), and was told that she was not suitable to study broadcasting and hosting in this semester, so she is now skipping school, claiming that the college entrance exams are useless, and is eager to learn guitar, acting, interpersonal skills, and other “practical skills. In fact, I feel particularly miserable. She is currently receiving counseling from our psychologist, but with little success. I need a caring and experienced teacher to guide me so that I can wake up quickly, mend my ways, and go all out to study for the college entrance exams and get into a better college. A: I know you are still a young man with ideals and aspirations, but your ability to withstand setbacks is still in the process of being improved. In fact, a person will face countless difficulties and setbacks in his life, including the “early love” you mentioned, “sprained”, “considered unsuitable to be a host” and so on, why people face the same difficult pressure and setbacks but have different results? It depends on three main factors: personality traits, coping styles and support systems. Let me focus on coping styles. There are two main types of coping styles: positive coping and negative coping. I feel that you are taking the negative coping style of avoidance, so it is not in line with the wishes and demands of the parents at school, and it is contrary to your own internal goals. You use a lot of negative words to describe yourself and your current situation, but I see a lot of positive parts in you. You are sensitive, affectionate, know music, have hobbies and strengths, keep studying despite some situations, and receive counseling from your psychologist, which are the most valuable things in you. It is recommended that you set an achievable goal for yourself, and then work towards it. Don’t look too much at the results, but focus on the process of your efforts, as long as you work hard. Don’t give yourself excuses, excuses can only make you feel better for a while, but it makes you face more stressful challenges. Thank you for your trust, I don’t know if my advice will work for you, but what I can tell you is this: you are the one who can help yourself the most. Patient: I will print out your golden words immediately, study and analyze them with my son after work, and report back to you when he is significantly better! Thank you again from the bottom of my heart for your selfless teachings! A: If you are the parent of a child, I would like to say a few words. Children themselves have a positive desire for upward development, and parents should be careful to use their children’s initiative and not transfer their children’s motivation for self-development to their parents’ wishes, which can be counterproductive. Sometimes, adolescent children will rebel against their parents in extreme ways, even at the expense of their own education and future, so parents should think carefully about how to guide their children and take a “wise” approach. Patient: Although we as parents have always taken a democratic approach to communicating with our children, we really lack other measures and abilities to do so, which is why we turned to you. Would you be willing to give us more specific advice about our child’s current “deviant” behavior? Also: If I bring my child to you for counseling in the near future, can I make significant progress in two or three days (after all, I am in an old area with poor economic conditions and I have mobility problems with my lower limbs)? A: Adolescence is a process and takes time. No psychological problem is formed in a day or two, nor can it be solved by one or two counseling sessions, but the most important thing is not the counselor, but the relationship between the child and their parents and between them. Therefore, there is no need to “travel a long way to get here”. Treat your child with acceptance and encouragement, and keep motivating him to cheer him up. Principles for dealing with adolescent children: Parents are the navigators of their children, and the best way to resolve conflicts of power and control between parents and children is: you win, I win. Specific principles: 1. Parents should communicate more with their adolescent child:As long as what the child is doing is not illegal, amoral or leads to sin, parents should learn to accept it! In helping him, as long as it is appropriate to give affirmation and support, really can not say “no”, so as to have good results. Whether dealing with big or small problems, we must have positive thoughts, as long as we see hope, the problem is half solved. 2, the most successful way is based on each person’s original humanity and care, to build a positive relationship between them. Attempts to change each other through threats and control are almost futile. The only way to make real change is to treat them as a valuable individual. 3. Honesty is the best policy: The important thing in adolescence is to discover what the world is all about. Adults must support this process of discovery, and both sides can take small risks and enjoy the greatest results. Instead of limiting teens with a bunch of restrictions and limitations, commit to developing relationships based on honesty, humor, and realistic guidelines to gain their trust.