Baby E, one year old, round eyes like black grapes, watching his mother go to work, not crying and not making a fuss; his mother came home, calling his name, reaching out to hug him, but the baby just smiled and went to play with his own. He never pestered anyone, he was a good baby. But the doctor said that the baby and the mother have not established a good attachment relationship, which is not good for the baby’s mental development, what happened?
What is attachment?
Attachment is a tendency for babies to seek physical and psychological intimacy with their caregivers, often in the form of smiling, crying, babbling, snuggling, following, and so on. Attachment develops gradually and becomes apparent at 6-7 months of life. After 3 years of age, infants can gradually tolerate separation from the object of attachment and become accustomed to interacting with peers or strangers.
Types of attachment
Using the standard “unfamiliar situation” experiment, three different types of parent-child attachment can be measured and distinguished.
Secure: When children are with their mothers, they can actively explore and play in unfamiliar environments and respond positively to strangers; when their mothers leave, they show obvious distress and anxiety; when their mothers return, they immediately seek close contact with them and then leave calmly, and can play safely as long as their mothers are in view.
Avoidant: These children have little influence on their mother’s presence or absence and show no apprehension when she leaves; when she returns, she tends to ignore it, although sometimes she welcomes it, but briefly. These children do not actually form an attachment to their mothers.
The rebellious type: These children show panic when their mother is leaving, crying and screaming; they seek contact with their mother as soon as they see her return, but when she goes to greet them, such as picking them up, they struggle and resist to leave, and they also look a little angry, and their attitude toward their mother is ambivalent. They do not feel safe to play with confidence and boldness even when they are beside their mothers.
Attachment type and psychological development
A good parent-child attachment is a positive, affectionate emotional connection. The presence of the person to whom the infant is attached makes them feel secure. With this sense of security, the infant is able to overcome anxiety or fear in an unfamiliar environment so that he or she can explore the new things around them and try to get close to strangers, which allows the infant to expand his or her horizons and develop cognitive skills rapidly. Maternal love and emotional attachment are “nutrients” for children’s psychological development, and various educational environmental stimuli are “development agents” for mental potential.
Research by psychologists has found that
(1) Early “secure” infants develop more exploratory behaviors at age 2 and show high levels of engagement, persistence, and enjoyment in problem-solving scenarios as they grow older, while “non-secure” infants do not respond in this way.
(2) Those who were determined to be “secure” at age 1 had higher self-esteem, empathy, and positive affect, lower negative affect, and more friends by 3.5 years of age.
(3) Boys with maladjustment and behavioral problems at age 6 were associated with a “non-secure” type at age 1.
(4) The type of attachment in early childhood has a great influence on adult behavior. Children with “non-secure” attachment tend to have a lack of trust, lack of confidence, and poor interpersonal relationships.
Building a strong, positive parent-child attachment relationship is the foundation for developing modern qualities in children.
Help your baby build a secure attachment
Parent-child attachment is a product of the interaction between mother and child. The mother’s attitude and behavior in interacting with her baby and the baby’s own temperamental characteristics are the two main factors that influence the formation of different types of attachment. The child of a responsible, loving mother is often securely attached; conversely, he or she may be defiant or avoidantly attached. Studies have found that infants’ temperamental characteristics also frequently and strongly influence their mothers’ attitudes and behaviors. Those who smile when they see people and like to be hugged are more likely to be loved by their mothers; and those who do not like to be hugged and are not easily soothed are less likely to be loved by their mothers. In turn, the mother’s attitude and behavior toward the child affects the child in turn.
From 0.5 to 1.5 years of age is a critical period for the formation of parent-child attachment. The mother’s ability to respond sensitively and appropriately to the baby’s behavior, to actively engage with the baby, to correctly recognize the little one’s abilities and weaknesses, etc., all directly affect the formation of the mother-child attachment.
The mother not only satisfies the baby’s physical “hunger”, but is also the baby’s psychological “safety island” and source of happiness. Don’t leave your child for long periods of time, don’t neglect baby touch, baby gymnastics and other scientific means of parenting, give as much affection and encouragement as possible, whether it’s full of affection in words or physical contact such as hugs and kisses, don’t be stingy. It is important to know that the baby is a “consumer” of love. A stable nurturer with the mother at the core is essential to the child’s mental health. Avoid intergenerational parenting because most of the elderly are less educated, have deeper old traditions, and lack scientific knowledge of child-rearing. In developed countries such as the United States and Japan, mothers often drop out of school and take long vacations until their children enter kindergarten at age 3 in order to raise their children carefully.