Psychologist, a profession that people feel mysterious but respectful. Some people liken it to a garbage can for the mind. It is true that most of the patients who come to us are sad, suffering from spiritual torment, and come to us for help in order to free their minds. We psychologists establish a special interpersonal relationship with our patients so that they can put aside their worries, trust us completely, talk to us about their problems, and get help. This requires us to give our patients full understanding, respect and positive attention, and to keep their privacy confidential. However, in this process, treatment comes with risks. Xing is a 24-year-old patient with major depression and a young father of two children. His years of cough syrup addiction were painful, and several withdrawals failed, for which he blamed himself for the pain. With more than a year of continuous depression and a basic desperation for life, he had no motivation to seek help at all. It was only after repeated persuasion from his family that he reluctantly agreed to be hospitalized for treatment. I conducted an initial interview with Xing on his second day of hospitalization in order to put his mind at ease about his treatment. ”I agreed to be hospitalized so as not to upset my parents.” Xing told me his reason for agreeing to be hospitalized, gazing feebly out the window. This made me sympathize with his situation: a young man who had already given up on himself, yet still had the energy to think about his parents. I later learned that the only reason he was currently alive was to keep his parents’ wife from being upset. I expressed my sympathy to Xing and made an offer to help him. After he agreed to try, I explained in detail the role of psychotherapy in accompanying and helping him, and informed the principle of confidentiality: all information and privacy would be kept confidential, except for issues such as suicidal or hurtful impulses, touching the law, etc. In hindsight, perhaps it was because Hoshi was not completely clear about the principle of confidentiality at that time that he became angry later; but perhaps it was also because of this oversight that I discovered his ulterior motives and plans. Everything went so smoothly that Hoshi trusted me more and more and was willing to talk to me about his heart and experiences, could tell me about his loneliness and helplessness, and even had suicidal thoughts but would not carry them out. He also told me that he didn’t want others to come into his world and that he just wanted to be alone for a while, but also made it clear that he needed a psychiatrist and a psychologist to accompany him through this time. I was touched by his trust in me and naturally became more alert and concerned after getting him to sign the Non-Suicide Agreement. One afternoon after a group counseling activity, I overheard Xing’s eyes were red and swollen, and after asking him about it, I learned that he had indeed cried. So I had a conversation with him, but I didn’t expect that this conversation would bring an end to our trusting relationship and force the termination of his treatment. Xing did not give me a positive answer about what happened, but just repeated, “I’ve thought about everything, I’ve already made my decision!” He showed me a picture from his phone’s WeChat: a yellowed paper covered with blood. At the top of the picture was written the same sentence he had just repeated. Below it, many of his friends replied to him, advising him to be open-minded. I was shocked and had a bad feeling. But no matter how I asked, I couldn’t get a positive and direct answer from Xing. This was a conversation that I had with my patient. I finally learned from my interrogation that Hoshi was planning to implement this plan to “hurt himself” after he was discharged from the hospital, and that he would take care of some things before doing so. “I was slightly relieved that it was after discharge. Although there were still six days to go before his discharge, I was shocked by his likely suicide plan: people with severe depression generally lack motivation and are incapable of committing suicide. But the change in condition, coupled with the return of motivation during medication, would likely increase the motivation to commit suicide. I was very worried about his situation and explained to him that the symptoms of depression were not his real state per se, and that if a runny nose when you have a cold is not a problem with your nose, these suicidal thoughts and impulses were also symptoms of this illness, not his real state. But no matter how I explained, Xing couldn’t listen to me, he stubbornly believed that he didn’t have depression. I had to tell him such riskiness I would not keep it a secret and that I would tell the clinician and the father who accompanied him. ”Why should I tell them? Didn’t you say you would keep it a secret for me?!” Xing asked me in surprise when he heard that I was going to tell someone. I explained the principle of confidentiality to him again, but he was adamant that he didn’t remember saying anything about not being able to keep a secret at that time. Hoshi began to become angry that I had not explained clearly at first, regretted the conversation that day, and begged me to keep it a secret. At this point, I had mixed feelings. On the one hand, I felt self-condemnation for not explaining the confidentiality clearly, but also understood his inner desire to protect the plan from being destroyed. What could I do to save you, my patient? I knew that if I promised confidentiality, Xing’s heart would be much more secure, but I also knew deep down that non-confidentiality at this time was the greatest protection for my patient, and I had to uphold this professional ethic without compromise or concession! ”I understand your anger, if it were me, I thought I could keep everything confidential, but I didn’t think it would be leaked, and I would also be angry. But today you did not tell me exactly what happened, I merely told the doctor what I would tell him about the risks I felt as a doctor, which is my job and has nothing to do with whether you talk to me today.” I stuck to my principles. Finally an agreement was reached, and Sing promised me to inform the doctor and his father of his riskiness and general condition, but to keep the exact conversation confidential. In fact, I still informed the doctor and family of all the conversations without confidentiality and told everyone to keep it confidential. This process also put my ethics and responsibility to the test. After repeated discussions between the director and the doctors, it was recommended that Ah Sing go to the provincial people’s hospital for MECT (twitch-free electroconvulsive therapy, a very effective and harmless treatment for major depression) for safety and treatment. Thinking that Xing would be more angry when he found out about the transfer, we communicated with Xing’s father in advance that his brother and other family members would come to pick him up that afternoon for the transfer. However, I was worried that Xing would get emotional if he knew he was going to be transferred, so I planned to explain to him before his family came. But by the time I got to work that afternoon, my family had already come over and Xing already knew the truth. I didn’t know he was already emotional and tried to explain to him patiently, so I took him to the treatment room. But once I entered the treatment room I realized the seriousness of the situation. I closed the door of the treatment room and told Xing to sit down and talk, but he was still standing at the door panting and questioning me angrily, “Why do you want me to transfer to another hospital?!” Stunned, I realized the mood was wrong and again suggested he sit down and listen to my explanation while he began to rant and question me. I was only half a meter away from him and I could feel the anger he was feeling; his mouth kept trembling and the murderous aura in his gaze terrified me. Hearing his rant, his lover and brother outside the door were about to push in, I took advantage of the situation to open the door and tried to take him out to get help, but I didn’t expect him to bang the door shut with force: “You’re not getting out, explain yourself to me!!!” Xing growled at me again. I looked at him, knowing that I was in a dangerous position, thinking that I must stabilize him while thinking of how to escape from the treatment room. ”I know you must hate me and think I snitched, and I sense you’re especially angry right now.” I tried to empathize with him, hoping to make him feel less hostile toward me. “I’m actually in a difficult position, and I want to protect your secret from hurting you, but I’m your doctor, and I need to be responsible for you. But this decision is not my arrangement alone, it is for your timely and effective treatment, because you are very depressed now and need to go to a place with better conditions to be treated as soon as possible. If you don’t believe me, you can come with me to the office and let the other doctors explain it to you.” I tried to open the door again and tried to escape while I was at it. But to my surprise, as soon as I opened the door he kicked it hard and continuously with his foot and yelled at me, “Why didn’t you tell me the first time?!” “Why are you doing this to me?!” I was shocked, he kicked the door as hard as a madman, and the sound could be heard clearly on the whole floor. I knew I was probably going to get a beating, and that impulse of his must have been directed at me next! Outside the door waiting to aid my colleagues and family members heard the kick on the door immediately knocked hard, I hesitated to quickly open the door, finally a few people broke in to put Xing under control, colleagues rushed to pull me out, I could not stop the tears flowing down: shock, aggression, self-blame …… I sat in the office with mixed feelings, heard Xing still in an outburst, the Loud yelling, the sound of someone admonishing. Then a sound of broken glass, my heart is very uncomfortable, a long time can not calm. Afterwards, I learned that Xing because of anger, a foot will be the corridor of two windows a kick shattered, ankle five or six centimeters of wounds, tendon damage. Only after the doctor gave Xing a sedative injection did he slowly quiet down, and was finally transferred to the hospital without incident in the company of the medical staff. This was the first time I saw a patient’s emotional outburst so close up and so impulsive. It’s hard to imagine what I would have done if Xing had lost control some more, or if there had been no one at the door. Fortunately, the patient’s family was understanding. I understood that he was a patient and that he was behaving this way because of his illness. My colleagues have also been beaten, bitten, and threatened because of the patient’s impulsive illness. It is also clear that this is the riskiness that exists in our profession. Psychologists are different from other doctors because the special one-on-one relationship we build with our patients involves not only an hour of time at a time, but also the emotional investment of stepping outside of ourselves to experience the patient’s feelings. And behind the scenes, this means investing a lot of time and money in improving ourselves, learning counseling techniques, and gaining extensive experience. So naturally, it can seem like a time-consuming and demanding job. However, as people become more and more concerned about mental health, more and more psychological needs, and the joy of self-growth and helping people in my work, I will continue to be determined to go on and accept the pain and joy that this profession brings me.