The other day I was sitting at home watching TV and there was a magic show by Liu Qian. Before the show, Liu Qian asked the guest behind him to check the props to show that there were no hidden secrets in the props. The guest of honor was Uncle Benshan, who is known for his humor, and he said, “You’d better ask someone else to check! I love to tell the truth, my biggest pain in life is to keep secrets for others.” The audience on stage laughed. How refreshing that is! From childhood we were taught that “keeping secrets is a virtue.” No one ever said that secrecy would still be painful.
I experienced such “pain” at the beginning of my career as a psychologist.
It was eight years ago when a young woman in her thirties came into my office, pretty and stylishly dressed, but with red, haggard-looking eyes from crying. She told me about her experience in tears. She graduated from a financial university and worked as a vice president of finance in her husband’s company. Not long ago, she fell in love with her husband’s business partner and had an affair, and after several months of lovemaking, her lover found a new lover and broke up with her. The pain of lost love, the humiliation of abandonment, the guilt of her husband …… many complex emotions in her mind, so that she could not sleep, day after day with tears, and even the idea of a light life.
Although her behavior is a serious departure from my moral standards, but as a psychologist, I must be value neutral. I reassured her while I made a detailed treatment plan for her. Toward the end of the conversation, Ms. Li’s husband arrived. If, in Ms. Li’s narrative, I had secretly doubted whether her husband possessed such flaws as vulgarity, irritability, and difficulty in communication that were sufficient to make his wife lose her love, after meeting her husband, all my suspicions were overturned.
It was a very handsome man, gentle, polite and understanding, and the woman in front of him was a perfect match. He was very concerned about his wife’s condition and repeatedly asked me about the cause of the attack.
I vaguely lied to him, “Maybe she’s under too much pressure at work.”
He looked at me skeptically, “The most difficult phase of the company has passed, and now the business is flourishing, so why is there still stress?”
”Uh, everyone feels stress differently.”
”But she’s not a sensitive person, she’s strong-willed ……”
In his bright and compelling gaze, my palms began to sweat indisputably, it was the first time in my life that I had lied and was helping a cheating woman to cheat on her husband! At that moment, nervousness and guilt took over my heart, as if I had become a co-accused. I never thought that “confidentiality” at some point means “lying”?
I quickly glanced at Ms. Li, who looked at me like a scared bunny, her eyes full of unease. I thought of my role and responsibilities, quickly calm down, “I’m just saying that maybe, about the cause of depression, there is no conclusive ……” I spoke a lot of terminology, they finally left.
However, things did not end here. Ms. Li’s husband drove his wife home and surprisingly rejoined my office to start a new round of questioning.
”Doctor, I’m sure she’s hiding something from me and has told you about it.” He opened the door and said in a very frank manner, “I promise you that whatever happens, I can forgive her and never mention it in front of her, just please tell me the truth ……”
Must admit, this is a great and smart opponent, very difficult to deal with him! I could not use the “code of confidentiality” to put him off, it would only increase his suspicion and create a family feud.
I carefully adjusted my expression and said in the same frank tone, “I also assure you that I really have nothing to tell you. You care for her and want her to recover sooner that you think too much ……”
After repeated explanations, he finally smiled with relief and left, and never asked me about it again in future treatments.
It took a few days for the guilt caused by my “lie” to settle down.
As time went by, I became accustomed to the nature of my work and was able to handle the interrogations of the patient’s family with aplomb. To protect the patient, I would announce the principle of confidentiality at the beginning of the visit and ask for their cooperation. I am also comfortable with smiling at family members who are persistent and refusing in a decent way, without the embarrassment of “being a thief and having sweaty palms.
One winter morning not long ago, I was sitting in the consultation room as usual. A stylish, beautiful, radiant woman appeared in front of me, smiling and asking, “Doctor, do you remember me?”
Although it was eight years later, I recognized Ms. Li immediately, not only because of her extraordinary beauty, but also because of the unforgettable experience she had brought me – the nervousness and embarrassment of a novice doctor when faced with a problem, and the reflection and progress she made afterwards.
During the conversation, I learned that she and her husband had tentatively developed their career, opened several branches across the country, and had been working abroad for many years. After that incident, she has become more and more mature in her relationship, and her relationship with her husband is harmonious and stable. This time, she came to the city to look for me in order to solve certain work-related problems.
I was surprised and asked, “Why don’t you consult locally? There are many well-known experts there.”
”My conversation would involve many secrets,” she replied with a smile, “and I trust only you.”
I smiled back. Trust is the highest compliment a psychiatrist can receive.
It has been said that the psychiatric office is one of the darkest corners of the world because it holds countless secrets. The psychologist’s job is to listen, organize and process these secrets, so that patients can be freed from the heavy load of the mind, stand at the height of wisdom and reinterpret themselves, thus stimulating their potential and creating a wonderful and glorious life.
In this process, the patient puts his weaknesses into our hands, and we must keep the secrets, just as a gardener treats a delicate plant, no matter how much nutrients he injects into it, but cannot expose its roots to the sunlight, otherwise it will cause fatal injuries. The flower of the heart is destined to bloom only in the dark.