From love to marriage we will experience heavy challenges, two people can break through the barrier together into the marriage hall, the most important quality of two points: 1, men care about women, women respect men. 2, two people can be established before marriage: find problems – communication problems – problem-solving mechanism. The following details, the full text spent three nights to write, all dry goods, followed by Dai Mengling communication techniques. A little long, probably need to read more than ten minutes. You can collect or like, watch at leisure. First, men care about women, women respect men. Too many cases of marriage, there is no principle problem, but the divorce, mostly because of this sentence did not do. 1, “men care about women” Too many widowed parenting, housework women do, class women on, children women give birth to, children women with, or worse, children are women to raise. Which woman can bear all these for a long time? Even in the verbal care, that is better than the woman’s contribution as a matter of course. Since the primitive society, it is the man who plows and weaves, and the man is in charge of the outside and the woman is in charge of the inside. Now, women are both inside and outside, women are superhuman? When a woman is upset, the family will not be happy. Children will be affected by the mother’s emotions and unhappy, the husband will also feel that his wife how to blame me at the drop of a hat? A vicious cycle. My female reader, Xiao Lin, said to me two days ago, “My husband is so selfish, he doesn’t leave the house every day, goes to work early and comes home late, and goes out with a group of friends on vacation. He doesn’t care about me and my son at all. When my son got sick, I was the only one who took the child to get an IV drip.” “Usually I have to go to work, cook, and tutor my son’s homework, so there’s no time for me at all.” “But what about my husband, he went out camping with a group of donkeys on National Day vacation for several days. I had to take my son to hang out with my bestie couple and my bestie’s kids around the neighborhood. Watching people’s two couples love each other, I’m alone with a broken heart.” I asked, “How was your daily interaction?” My wife said, “There’s just not much communication, we can’t get along. Once, my son was doing his homework and he was smoking next to me. I said: ‘Go to the balcony and smoke! He didn’t want to, but said he could just open the window. You say he’s selfish or not.” You can see that this husband is typically not caring about his wife and not taking care of his family. It is just also accompanied by too little communication between husband and wife, so the vicious circle, resulting in marital difficulties. The solution can only follow: “men care about women, women respect men” principle, there may be a turnaround. Then again, a positive case, the above example is too disturbing. My mom used to be, as I remember from my childhood, she was quite thin, working very hard, and she ate less, and she was slim. My mom worked too hard, she had to go to work and bring me up as well as do the housework. At that time, my father did not cook, until once by my sister-in-law jokingly said, look at you put my sister are starving thin. My dad has a strong sense of self-esteem, and at that time he felt embarrassed, and then looked back and realized that he really didn’t care enough about my mom. So he started to study all kinds of dishes, determined to make my mom look good. At that time, my dad’s cooking skills really flourished, he usually ate out of restaurants to eat good food, will run to the chef to ask for advice, and then come back to do it for us to eat. As long as my dad cooked, no matter how picky the kids were when they came to our house, they would eat a lot. So my dad basically did all the kitchen work. My mom’s body gradually grew stronger, and her face became rosy. The sound of walking up the stairs was no longer the old “dah-dah-dah-dah-dah”, but a sturdy “dun-dun-dun-dun-dun-dun-dun-dun-dun-dun-dun-dun-dun-dun-dun-dun-dun-dun-dun-dun-dun-dun-dun-dun”. My mom’s character, too, has become more and more womanly from the original spicy and violent. Until now, when my dad teaches me how to cook at the dinner table, he still proudly says that he has raised his daughter-in-law to be strong. My mom looked at my dad with a girlish smile on her face. 2, “Women respect men” Many women, they do not realize that they do not respect their husbands enough. But a listen to the recording of the two conversations, or a look at the screenshots of the two communication chat records, the kind of accusations, complaints, disparaging words about their husbands, pounced on them. Instead, my wife asked me with a cute face, “Why doesn’t he answer me back? Teacher, why do you think he’s an avoidant?” NONONO, this is not avoidance type, people are choked angry can not speak, people are self-esteem was severely hit by the inability to spit. To cite a case: sister Lu, because her husband and her divorce to find me. Asked carefully, it turned out to be before marriage, the husband spent several years to pursue his wife. The wife originally did not see the husband, and finally by the husband’s good to her, as well as by the husband’s persistence impressed. Because of the husband’s good to their own, this “good” with a little after the wedding retreat, the original imbalance appeared. What Xiao Lu didn’t see in her husband will become more obvious. She does not recognize her husband’s ability and income. Although they still have love, but Xiao Lu that obvious dislike, deeply stung the husband. Therefore, the two sides triggered emotional disharmony, all kinds of quarrels, Xiao Lu also made, mentioned twice the divorce, the husband are coaxed back. As a result, in the end, the noise of the husband could not stand it anymore, filed for divorce, Xiao Lu was dumbfounded. She wanted to salvage, so I let her husband’s strengths are written down one by one to see. Xiao Lu slowly realized that her husband has so many good, she decided to change the concept, really appreciate her husband. At that time, Xiao Lu’s husband was at a low point in his work, and what he needed most was his wife’s respect, love and support. So I helped Xiao Lu re-standardize her language and asked her to call her husband accordingly. Let her state her love, thank her husband for his dedication, express her admiration and deep love for him, and maximize the filling of the damage to her husband’s self-esteem. On the spot, the two were in tears on the phone. The next guided practice for Xiao Lu includes emotional control exercises, communication skills exercises, and marriage psychology cognitive learning. When a woman appreciates and respects her husband from the inside out, her words will sound good and work well, and she will be able to train a good husband. Second, two people can be established before marriage: find problems – communication problems – problem-solving mode. This is super important ah, as long as the real establishment of this model, is able to timely resolve most of the marital problems. A lot of cheating, quarrels, and so on, in addition to the real scum, most of them are from the small problems start to develop. Small problems can’t be discovered, then problems wrap problems, layer by layer, problems become bigger, and finally wrap into a bomb. One day, the last spark ignites the bomb, and “boom”, the marriage building collapses. It’s the same thing with a thousand mile dike being destroyed by an ant hole. Then we need to have this mechanism of identifying problems, to be able to see the anthill and to be able to clean it out, so we can prevent the dike from being destroyed. 1, how can we find the problem? First of all, both parties have to be able to dare to express it ah. Couples have a fault-tolerant mechanism, can accept each other, even if it is not good to say it, but some things are better than not saying it. Troll conference setting: then set up a monthly troll day, that day there are 2 hours to troll each other, just like the troll conference, in the joyful atmosphere, these 2 hours to say things, we can not be angry. We can say what we want most and what we want to say to each other. In this way, we can avoid problems wrapped up in layers. 2, how to communicate the problem? This is going to use the Dream Order communication method. (1) Determine the goal of communication: the couple is harmonious, solve the problem, not to win or lose, not to distinguish between superior and inferior. (2) Find the point of the problem: find the root cause behind the problem. (3) Communicate: Be respectful, put aside emotions, and state objective facts, not accusations. Correct Sentence Format: Statement of Facts + Description of Feelings + Selective Questioning without Attacks Wife says, “You just don’t care about me (accusation), you don’t even think of me as your wife (accusation)! What do you mean by embarrassing me like that? (Attack)” This is an accusation, not a statement of objective fact. The correct way to say this is: “I saw the circle of friends you posted about having dinner with a female friend (stating facts) and it made me feel uncomfortable (describing feelings). I’d like to ask you if you didn’t consider my feelings, or if you sent it to me on purpose, or if you just sent it because you were happy to see an old friend. (without attacking the choice of questioning sentences)” 4, concise and direct expression, without beating around the bush. 5, Dai Mengling ten-minute communication method 1, the two sides only talk about the point of view, objective situation, feelings, no accusations, no speculation. Sentence: statement of fact + description of feelings + questions without attack 2, successive views, the form of 1-2-3- sentence, concise, only the main points. 3.Trust the other person and keep empathy. 4.Use 1-2-3 sentence form to discuss the follow-up improvement program. 5, End the conflict. Clean and clear. 6, If it is not resolved completely, repeat the ten-minute communication method again. 3, how to solve the problem? Problems come in all shapes and sizes, but there is a unified principle to keep in mind. This principle is: trust each other, positive action, unity. For example, the wife feels that her husband is not considerate enough, her husband came home late, more socializing. Then to solve it, first communicate why the wife feels this way, and what specific things she minds. If it’s just a misunderstanding, then both parties can do something to rebuild a sense of trust. The wife complains that her husband comes home late and socializes a lot. Then the husband should call his wife more often, talk a little about his whereabouts, share some insights with her when he gets home, or bring her along on social occasions if he can, so that she can feel at ease. The wife, too, can focus more on herself, more to find some of their own interest in things to do, will not be too sticky husband. In addition, when you are at home, increase the intimate action and daily communication between husband and wife, to enhance the relationship between husband and wife. In this way, the wife will not make wild guesses and trust her husband; the husband, in the process of rebuilding trust, will also realize his wife’s intentions for himself because he has invested in practical actions, and will care more about his wife’s feelings, pay attention to his words and actions, and add more care. Then the anthill will be easy to lift, and the marriage dam will be safe. Summarize: “Men care about women, women respect men.” —- is the way to get along Establish the mode of discovering the problem – communicating the problem – solving the problem —- is the way to solve the problem In short, one more point of understanding, one more point of happiness.