The better for men will be less cherished? How to do this is the good to men?
The truth is not that the better the man is the less men cherish, the point is to give each other what they really need to have the value of “good”.
Let me ask a question, put yourself in the shoes of a boyfriend/girlfriend that you would really like to treat you badly?
The point is to define what this “good” is? Is it the “good” that the other person really needs?
There is a concept in economics, is the diminishing marginal utility.
What does it mean? If I buy ice cream, my girlfriend buys one for me to eat, it’s cool; my girlfriend buys the second one for me to eat, oops, it’s a bit cold stomach; my girlfriend buys the third one for me to eat, my God, are you going to freeze me to death?
This sense of experience will gradually change in each new addition, the good feeling from a certain critical value after, gradually decreasing.
But if this time, I was accidentally pitted, body and property are gone, girlfriend not only did not abandon me, but also try to pull me up, together to fight again. God, such a girlfriend is really good to me!
This “good”, I ask you, want to?
A, you think the “good”, but the other side of the eyes of the “cheap pay”, “do not need”, “lost self “
I once received a private letter from a handsome male reader, he said, his previous girlfriends, trying to do everything possible to be good to him, to knit him a scarf, to make him silver ear soup, to eat shrimp when he peeled shrimp.
He said to me with a bitter smile: “I do not need these ah, at first I thought it was okay, quite thoughtful. I don’t like scarves, I have my own match, and I don’t like silver ear soup, it’s sticky and not good at all; I don’t want women to peel my shrimp. They are like this, making me feel that they only surround me, there is no room for them to be on their own.”
This is diminishing marginal utility. If you want to say this “good”, is the title, the better the less appreciated. Probably these girls have some misunderstanding about “good”.
This loss of self of the cheap “good”, on the one hand, just girls in the self-conscious self-touch; on the other hand is the loss of self, no high value to pay.
This kind of cheap good, anyone will disdain. To know, a pay cheap good, equivalent to, you are in love on the scales, the lack of other valuable advantages.
The second is to give him the “good” he needs to reflect your value in the key points.
You know, you beautiful, intelligent, good body, good family history, good economy, are your value.
But two people to get along, there has to be more value —- those precious “good” in life.
Gorn daughter-in-law’s “good”
On New Year’s Day 2020, former Nissan Group Chairman Ghosn, was originally placed under house arrest in Japan for more than a year. As a result, Ghosn staged the opening scene of the year, hiding in a cello case and fleeing to Lebanon. It was only when Ghosn appeared in Lebanon, under the close protection of the Lebanese government, that Japan woke up like a dream and received this New Year’s Day surprise.
And it is said that all this is Ghosn’s wife behind the scenes to help do the rescue work. If you have a woman like this, what more can a husband ask for?
I heard that the domestic business tycoon, when looking for a wife has a standard, is when they are deep in prison, the wife of that person has the ability to have the courage and character, to be able to do everything possible to fish themselves out.
This is the real “good”, this is the real need of the big brother’s heart good, never leave the good, high quality pay, accurate capture of the big brother.
If you say this is too far away from you, we are ordinary people. Okay, I handled a case just to meet this condition.
A real case of not leaving in crisis
The other day my female reader, Jade, had already raided several psychology books for self-study when she found me. She came to me for help in revising a Psychological Healing Program. I asked her to tell me the background in detail.
1. Xiaoyu’s emotional dilemma
It turned out that Xiaoyu and her boyfriend almost broke up because of a quarrel before the epidemic and did not meet to solve it. As a result, they were separated from each other in their hometowns during the epidemic, and could not meet.
The two of them did not see each other for nearly three months, and their relationship crisis was not over, so they had very little contact.
On her birthday, her boyfriend sent her a red envelope of 99 yuan, which made her sad. Jade half-jokingly said, “So I am so unimportant in your heart, only worth 99 yuan.”
The boyfriend felt embarrassed on the spot, cold for two days, no matter how Xiaoyu send messages, the boyfriend did not return information. Two days later, Xiaoyu received a breakup message from her boyfriend, who said, “I lost my investment in the epidemic, and now I’m really poor. The only thing I have in my pocket is for you. The family grandfather died suddenly, I have not yet slowed down, plus now the grandmother is critically ill and needs care. Under several pressures, I really do not have time to take care of your feelings, and can not give you what you want, or we should consider stopping it, I do not want to delay you.”
This kind of time, I wonder how other women encounter, will bear and face.
The company’s main goal is to provide a good solution to the problem. Then, the boyfriend’s family’s respected grandfather was a sudden death, the boyfriend was very sad. However, the family’s grandmother could not bear the blow, the boyfriend endured the pain, has been accompanied and reassured. As a result, I did not expect that the grandmother was too old to withstand the blow, cardiac arrest, it was difficult to resuscitate, several surgical torture, and finally transferred to a general ward. The boyfriend took turns taking care of the old lady day and night with his family, and the whole family was nervous.
The boyfriend is facing several pressures and has no time for his girlfriend, often lying in the companion bed for a while only in the middle of the night. In other words, the boyfriend is under a lot of pressure and his spirit is almost numb state. Suddenly discarded by his girlfriend birthday red packet is small, the boyfriend almost collapsed off.
2, the breakup crisis under the support and encouragement
Jade saw the breakup information, very sad, but she immediately recognized the current situation of her boyfriend. Boyfriend is in a state of stress burst almost numb, it is the time to encourage and support. This time to ask her boyfriend to give her love and gifts, very ignorant, but also did not put themselves in each other’s shoes.
She told her boyfriend that she didn’t mind his birthday package at all, but she thought she was not important in his heart, and she suddenly became emotional and didn’t take into account his stress. Now, she will always be there for him through the crisis and pray to get through it sooner. Although she can’t go over there to help, but she can give moral support, she must not leave him at this time!
Jade wrote to her boyfriend right away, giving him a steady stream of love and encouragement to pick himself up, and he was very touched.
He said to Xiaoyu, I love you very much, thank you for accompanying me, you are now my spiritual pillar, you wait for me, I will be busy with you to repair the relationship.
3, Xiaoyu’s value and ability to reflect
Xiaoyu also made her “value embodiment”. She analyzed her boyfriend’s main psychological dilemma in addition to economic pressure.
Grandfather passed away sad: respected grandfather died suddenly, the boyfriend simply can not go back to see. Therefore very sad inside, his parents did business when he was a child, is dependent on his grandparents to bring, the elderly have very deep feelings.
The boyfriend’s fear of death: due to his grandmother’s physical condition, resuscitated twice, the family fears, the boyfriend is currently already afraid to see the doctor come over to speak, afraid that something untoward will happen. At the same time, the boyfriend’s inner fear of death has arisen because the doctor told the families that the grandparents all had several types of cancer and that family members would all be susceptible to the disease and needed to pay extra attention to their health. The boyfriend thus had an additional layer of psychological fear.
Grandma’s worries: The boyfriend takes care of Grandma every day and worries about her. Grandma is very depressed and now watches her children toss and turn for her, plus her body was operated on and she suffers a lot from post-operative rejection and is now so determined to follow her partner that she simply does not want to go on with treatment. Her boyfriend was worried but didn’t know how to persuade her.
Jade wanted to do something for her boyfriend and grandmother.
So Jade immediately took action. She looked up many books on end-of-life care, crisis intervention, and methods of emotional detachment, and wrote a raw “Psychological Healing Program”. Now, she approached me in order to ask me to help her revise and correct it.
I praised Xiaoyu’s behavior, and she said to me seriously, “Whether he and I are suitable or not, he is now facing a difficult situation and is in an emotionally unstable state. I am not going to let him make any decision now, I will stay with him through the difficult time.”
4, know how to turn to the help of professionals
Xiaoyu told me that before this she did not understand “crisis intervention” at all, she was for her boyfriend, surprise learning. This made me admire her quality and learning power. The point is, she also knows how to turn to professionals to help her.
I saw her program, and although she was not skilled, she did a good job of actually using it. Because her boyfriend’s side was still under epidemic control, Jade couldn’t enter to help, so she could only intervene by writing a program for her boyfriend to give to the old lady according to the program.
The program was more demanding
(1) To enable her boyfriend’s to heal himself: through the words in the program, to give her boyfriend psychological healing, to give him relief from stress and out of emotional crisis.
(2) Crisis intervention for the grandmother: the program uses crisis intervention for the grandmother by influencing the boyfriend and guiding him in the acceptance and guidance of the grandmother’s negative thoughts after the boyfriend has adjusted himself.
So, I gave her program a revision of key points, the self-healing of the boyfriend, the acceptance and intervention of the boyfriend to the grandmother, and the typical dwelling crisis intervention and stress trauma first aid for the grandmother. I added some specific intervention conversations and techniques for her, taking into account her current situation. I also added complementary therapies “music therapy” and “recitation therapy”, including having Jade’s boyfriend recite poems to the grandmother in her bed.
For example: Chaplin’s poem “When I really started to love myself” written at the age of 70. This poem, when recited, can make people think more about the meaning of life and lead a positive life, which is in line with the content of this crisis intervention.
5. The “good” qualities that Jade embodies
In this case, Xiaoyu embodies several qualities.
(1) Not to give up a relationship easily.
(2) not emotional, to do things morally: Xiaoyu always said that although she was aggrieved, there were misunderstandings in the relationship, but she was still determined to accompany her boyfriend through the difficult times. If you have a woman like this, what more can a husband ask for?
(3) Learning power MAX: Output forces input, as she has almost no counseling foundation, but she was able to read a lot of books and make a plan within a few days, and no big mistakes. The learning power is very admirable.
(4) Knowing how to ask for professional help: She knows how to ask for outside help and how to get professional help to fix things. This ensured that things were done more successfully while also instantly increasing her competence in this area through communication and discussion with me.
(5) Put yourself in the other person’s shoes, correct mistakes quickly, and know how to identify and give them the “good” they really need.
In addition to these qualities, not to mention the photos of Jade I have seen, itself very good-looking, she is actively involved in yoga, very good figure, gentle personality and have their own ideas.
After two days, my boyfriend sent back feedback that he had guided my grandmother according to the program and recited a poem to her, so she was in a better mood and could eat.
The boyfriend was in a very good mood, and admired Xiaoyu, and was touched by her dedication. Xiao Yu did not deceive, but gently told her boyfriend, as long as the above steps, and then continue to accept and guide, the grandmother state will certainly recover.
Such a woman, please ask everyone, her good, men will not cherish it?
Summing up.
The real value of good, each other need good, is really good. Those who think they are “good”, but is the other side of the eyes of the “cheap pay”, “do not need”, “lost self “Please give each other the “good” needed to reflect your value in the key points.
In life’s crises and difficulties, the kind of “good” that will not leave, is not to be found! If you have a woman like this, what more can you ask for?