How do you communicate effectively in a marriage? While the epidemic has brought close people closer together, noisy marriages seem to be noisier. So is there a future for marriages that are ruined by communication? Counselor Xiao Luo sent me a private message on the evening of the 3rd day of the Chinese New Year, saying that the marriage couldn’t go on, the relationship was still there but the other person seemed to be very negative. They hadn’t seen each other for 2 months. The husband had gone to work in the next city, and the end of the year was particularly busy and coincided with a career change. The wife was looking forward to more companionship, but the husband promised to come home every time, but then reneged because of his work. The wife was disappointed again and again, and was heartbroken. The two of them had several quarrels as a result. The wife was so angry that she asked for a divorce. But the next day she reacted with regret and rushed to find her husband. But go to the wrong address, the husband just a few days in the closed training, there is no way to meet, a trip in vain, the wife returned disappointed. Each of them went back to their parents’ home to celebrate the New Year. They were supposed to meet after the New Year. As a result of an epidemic, separated from each other. Later, because of a small matter, the wife yelled at her husband in WeChat. The husband simply did not return the message, began to cold war. This time, the wife’s two months of pent-up aggression, stifled emotions, a full-blown outbreak, she sent 30 long messages to her husband, and almost ready to mention divorce. Even she in order to ease their own emotions, found a former suitor’s WeChat in the phone, the handsome single former suitor seriously said, Xiaoluo has always been the goddess in his heart, as long as Xiaoluo is willing to sit back and wait for Xiaoluo single after the relationship. Everything, it seems, breaks the marriage, you can have a new life. Xiao Luo found me at this very time. He hadn’t replied to me for 32 hours,” she said. Epidemic current, everyone is holding the phone, he actually did not return to me, does he not love me?” 1, true love People all their lives, true love is very little. To be able to meet, has been a blessing. I asked Xiaoluo: “Do you love him?” Xiaoluo said: “Especially love, I think it is my true love, so love half a year to marry him. However, recently he is always busy at work, said home and then reneged on his word, can not see each other, encounter problems and avoid, cold war. I really don’t know what to do, can a person with this kind of character live for the rest of his life? He’s going to piss me off!” Xiaoluo continued to tell, crying, sadness, grievances, doubts are cathartic, after Xiaoluo vented her emotions, she gradually calmed down. Yes, true love, how many times in a lifetime. Although Xiao Luo is in good condition and still has a suitor waiting, but Xiao Luo clearly indicated that she still has a husband in her heart. Under my guidance, she discovered more and more of her husband’s sparkling points. She said that she used to seem to think only of her husband’s good looks and was a bit disgusted by his childishness. Now she thought that her husband had so many good qualities. At this point, she actually knew that she wanted to make a positive comeback. She did not want to miss. Everything needs a scientific method to solve the problem. 2, believe in love, believe in being loved A lot of readers leave me a message in the background that they lack love. The reasons vary, but the performance is mostly similar. Xiao Luo was suddenly broken up by her ex-boyfriend a long time ago, so there has been a feeling of abandonment. After meeting this one, there is a special fear of abandonment inside. This period of discord was also due to Xiao Luo’s reaction to her fear of not being valued or loved. So I used some guiding methods to get Xiao Luo to start recalling carefully some facts that she had usually overlooked, yes, the fact that she had been loved by her husband, and that he had always loved her very much. Sometimes, an inner obsession makes a blind eye see only what it lets itself see. Worried that she will not be loved or valued, Xiao Luo tends to magnify the unappreciated points and neglects those points where she has been cared for and loved. The more she worries about being abandoned, the more likely she is to do something that will cause her relationship to fall apart. The truth, often need to adjust the perspective to see. 3, find each other need, rather than talk about what you want to blame Xiao Luo’s emotional and cognitive adjustment, we began to restore the repair work. I have read the chat records of Xiao Luo and her husband. Super typical female perspective —- occupies the reason to blame each other. The husband’s reaction is more like a helpless and painful escape from all kinds of pressure. Combined with the husband’s own situation, Xiaoluo recalled her husband’s investment loss, career turnaround, working overtime day and night, and a series of accidents in the hometown. Xiao Luo realized that she had ignored her husband’s anxiety, but only thought about her own importance. That’s right, what the husband needs now is the support of his wife. 4, speak in the language of the other party —- from the other party’s inner appeal The essence of negotiation skills, is a win-win situation. One of the negotiation skills is to satisfy the other party’s needs first before you can make the other party give in. In the communication of marital problems, it is still valid. From the screenshots of their previous chats, the husband also felt very indebted to his wife in his heart, but the wife also hurt the husband’s self-esteem. The husband had regarded his wife as a spiritual pillar during the low period, but a small quarrel became the last straw that overwhelmed the husband’s heart. The husband says, “Hurting each other like this, how about rethinking our relationship.” That’s where it gets dangerous. But, it’s also where the turnaround comes in. What the husband needed most of all right now was his wife’s trust, love, support, and tolerance. So I helped Xiao Luo re-standardize the language and told Xiao Luo to follow this, call her husband and speak to each other. Telling the love of Xiaoluo, as well as those previously ignored the husband’s contribution, to express the admiration and deep love for her husband, to maximize the husband to fill the lack of heart. The two of them were in tears on the phone, telling each other their feelings. Since the goal is a win-win situation, you can’t just focus on the other person’s needs and ignore your own. Xiao Luo’s needs are companionship and being valued, in fact, in the process of talking to me earlier, she has been healed to a certain extent, in a different perspective on their own marriages, temporarily meet their own inner needs. The restoration of the relationship at a later stage is something that needs to be repaired and guided slowly after accompanying her husband through the difficult times. Xiaoluo’s mind is full of accusations and irritability at the drop of a hat, which needs to be guided and repaired over a long period of time, so that she can move from cognition to practice, and really gain the ability to love and find the way to future happiness. The program I arranged for her includes positive healing, emotional control exercises, communication skills, marriage psychology, and so on. I believe that her strong love will motivate her to do these things well. After these exercises, what was gained was not only the immediate repair of her marriage, but also her personal transformation. Whether in her marriage, at work, or in life, the time I spent with her will become a seed of her transformation, which will grow and sprout in the future, bringing her a broader future. 6. Difficulties and the future In our life, we will encounter all kinds of difficulties and pains, and sometimes, when we encounter major traumas, if no one gives us the correct scientific guidance, we may be devastated. Especially when there is a major emotional change, it will leave hidden scars in the depths of the subconscious mind, which will reach out from time to time, digging out the heart and lungs, and hurting oneself. If, as in the case of Xiao Luo, things are still in a solvable range and have not yet developed into an irreparable situation. If there is a professional who can help and care for her wholeheartedly, and teach her how to fish, she will be able to get out of the predicament, or even dissolve the potential problems, and will be able to take a step closer to happiness. The pain that Xiao Luo encountered when she was dumped by her ex-boyfriend before was not guided and cared for reasonably, and it has been in pain in her subconscious mind for a number of years (Xiao Luo has described the changes in her dreams over the past few years), and it is still influencing her new relationship even now. The problem is still affecting her new relationship. Therefore, to solve the problem from the root is the scientific, effective and long-lasting solution. I think this is the meaning of my work. Summing up: Today, through the case of Xiao Luo’s marriage restoration, I have explained most of the ways to solve the marital conflicts caused by communication, and through these scientific and professional healing, the marriage can be corrected, and the communication style that affects the communication can be improved. After all, we live in a society where there are only a handful of people who are really close to us, and yet our flaws can explode in our intimate communication, hurting the people in our intimate relationships, the relationships, and ourselves. As long as you realize this, as long as you have the motivation, it’s never too late to fix it. 1, true love In a person’s life, true love is extremely rare. To be able to meet, has been a blessing. 2, believe in love, believe in being loved A lot of readers leave me a message in the background that they lack love. The reasons are different, but the performance is mostly similar. 3, to find each other need, rather than talk about what you want to accuse 4, with each other’s language to speak —- from each other’s inner demands from the essence of negotiation skills, is a win-win situation. One of the negotiation skills is to satisfy the needs of the other party before you can let the other party give in. It is still valid in communicating about marital problems. What the husband needs most now is his wife’s trust, love, support and tolerance. 5, their own needs and growth Since the purpose is a win-win situation, we can not only care about the other party’s needs, regardless of their own needs. 6, the plight and the future of human life, will encounter a variety of difficulties and pain, sometimes, encountered a major trauma, no one to give the correct scientific guidance, may be devastated or hurt for a long time. In particular, major emotional changes will leave hidden scars in the depths of the subconscious mind, from time to time to reach out and dig out the heart and lungs, to hurt themselves. Solving the problem at the root is the scientific, effective and long-lasting solution.