What should we do to handle a fight and divorce with our significant other with a high degree of emotional intelligence? A good intimate relationship is one of healing and growth. To achieve a good state, you need to face the differences. The easiest place for conflict in an intimate relationship is when two people think very differently. They fall out over it, and one of them even wants to get a divorce if they are overwhelmed. Case study I mentioned a case two days ago, and today I will use the case to talk about resolving differences in intimate relationships. Differences between Xiao Lu and her husband about their future careers were the reason why Xiao Lu came to see me this time, and also the trigger for her husband’s sudden filing for divorce. Xiao Lu said that she felt that the direction her husband had chosen for his qigong career was unreliable and that there was no money in it. She was particularly angry and often quarreled with her husband. Her husband was stubborn, and although he would nod his head in the face of Xiao Lu’s opinions, he would not change his actions because of this; he was bent on traditional culture and was hesitant to change his mind. On the surface, the cause of the matter was due to the choice of career direction. In fact, Xiao Lu is saying, you are not capable, you can’t choose an industry, you have gone astray, I kindly advised you to come out, but you are so stubborn. Husband is saying, I want to prove myself, make something, you are my wife but do not recognize my ability, and do not respect my opinion. 1, see the difference Men and women thinking is different, we need to recognize. At the same time, people and people would not have thought the same. However, we and the other half together, not to dispute the differences between the two sides. Rather, we need to each play to our strengths, commonly known as complementing each other’s strengths. It’s like starting a business with a partner, you’re good at marketing and I’m good at developing products. The perfect combination. 2, understand the difference Xiao Lu said, when we fell in love before, I originally did not like him. In the end, he was surprisingly persistent, very impressed me, and because of this, I was with him, and married. But now, my husband is addicted to qigong and obsessed with it, and I can’t pull him back no matter what. You see, the obsession that impressed Xiao Lu in the beginning is exactly what makes her harbor anger today. We fall in love and finally unite because we appreciate each other’s merits. Yet always after being together for a long time, after grinding, the advantages from the opposite side, become shortcomings, they are upset or argue with each other. 3, the method of resolving conflicts – understanding (1) understanding, not simply with the mind to force themselves to accept each other’s views. Rather, it is to really stand in the position/role that the other person is standing in, see what the other person sees, think what the other person thinks, and do what the other person does. What Ru needs to do is to first go sideways and find out what qigong is in her husband’s mouth. What are the origins, what are the allusions, the kind the world misinterprets? Or was it a kind of cultivation of the body? What kind of a master of national science does the husband expect to become? Go and truly experience your husband’s ambitions, dreams, and determination. Feel, is it so mysterious that Xiao Lu saw from the outside? (2) Appreciation is never based on seeing the good in the other person. When you can really understand each other, you can see the other side of the flash. Can really from the bottom of the heart, re-appreciate each other’s merits. (3) Reach a cooperative solution There is a concept in economics called cooperative solution. It is necessary to find a balance point, when the balance point is found, is to reach a cooperative solution. For example, the husband in the work to earn money to support the family to pay a little more, the wife in the childcare life to pay a little more housework, as long as a balance point is reached, is also to reach a cooperative solution. Xiao Lu and her husband play two complementary roles in their relationship. The husband plays the role of a persistent and fearless brave man, and Xiao Lu plays the role of a careful and prudent wise man. If they blame each other, the brave one accuses the wise one of not being brave and the wise one accuses the brave one of not being wise. Then they will be at odds and consume each other. But if they work together and divide the labor, the husband is brave and forward, and Xiao Lu helps to control the direction of subdivision, they can work together to create a greater value than 1+1 and a more beautiful future, the strength of the interpretation: husband and wife are of one mind, and their benefit breaks the gold.